Likely one of the best overviews I’ve seen to date, though there will be new competitors once the major hurdles are overcome.
Track title: Leeches
This life is amazing, this dulcet domainBut give it control of ya, it cooks ya brainGive it access to ya, it drives you insaneBalance is needed yet still cultures disdain All history, sophistry, yet still we nosediveAutocracy, corpocracy, hypocrisy? Full thrive The truth of all humans rests nested in liesNo ethics, dichotomies set balance asideSub-optimal value expression dividesThe world is on fire, leadership backslides Remember atrocities from ethnohistoryPut to the fire all desires of consistory Restoration through protestation, first dissentSend all nations through fire, foundations segmentKill substructure for our fructure misspentDeny the power every hour to this noose circumvent From […]
Rubin Lilies & Resolutions
Someone today asked if I had children and, for the first time in my life, I could legitimately say, “No.” I have birthed two human beings. Miscarried two more. The end result, for me, turns out to be the same; none remain, albeit for different causes. The first, a son, prefers the lies of his adoptive parent to the truth of court records. So be it. The second, a daughter, prefers the false narrative of “innocence wounded without cause” to the truth of her poor choices bringing harsh consequences. So be it. Both would tell you I didn’t love them, […]
Dear Happy Kat, I love you.
I know you don’t think so, and it makes me angry. I spent my entire life trying like hell to make you happy. How was I to know that wasn’t how you do it? From whom would I have learned such things? Even DKZ lived her entire life this way (though I only truly discovered it a few years ago). It never even occurs to you that I can’t give you what I never knew myself. It never even occurs to you that I’ve done the best I know how. Yes, I know it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t what or […]
So much dust! (rebuilding)
After years, several domain moves, and a slew of attacks by life, this place is back… kind of. (read on…)
Resignation
Most of the problems I have with finding and keeping work rest in the reality of my autistic being. More specifically, that I am unable to maintain the cultural and societal norms expected in business environments. That these environments are unwilling to employ me is discriminatory, yes, but beyond this, a compelling proof of how and why our national competency, be that in innovation or even systematization is devolving. My competencies stem from my autistic being and the potentially unique manner in which I absorb, assess, and audit information to formulate, rapidly, a path from current state to goal. Because […]
April Fools (like me)
“Because our relationship has been mainly long-distance since my adolescence (I know it was not by your choice, no judgment), it’s what I grew comfortable with and feels natural to me.” – my daughter, 2023 What she fails to mention is that she was with me for twelve years, only ‘long-distance’ for two, and chose, because of those two, to cut me out of her life except by ‘long-distance’. Now she acts like that was something she had no responsibility for, and despite the parenthetical, the statement itself IS judging as to reason and cause, and heavily implies that reason […]
Life is precious
One of the things I always felt certain of, since I was a child, was that every life mattered to this world. I felt this deeply and without doubt; it was true for animals as well as humans. I could not explain how and why I knew this, but I knew it through me – brain, blood, and bone. As I have lived and experienced this world, I have come to understand that most humans do not think this at all, let alone have a deep and doubtless conviction about it. I think most humans are not in touch with […]
Sunday Solitude Thoughts
There is no one in my life who cares for me excepting myself and my husband. My daughter does not care if I am homeless, so long as she does not have to inconvenience herself with care of or for me. My son never cared about me, for he assumed I cared not for him. Both mistook my care in leaving as lack of care rather than understanding I cared enough to give them away rather than lead them into the street or hard time by my side. I suppose it is easier to think this than to understand the […]
Finding Me – Rewriting life (it often feels)
It is hard to accept one’s shortcomings. It is hard to understand how the trauma of generations combined with the trauma of experiences result in inability, and how the stubborn refusal of inability results in that blindness behind which all manner of false belief and ego often, safely hides. I was and am a lacking human. I lacked the ability or means to nourish my children, I lack the ability and means to sustain my relationships, my friendships, my marriages, and myself. While I can point to and outline the many circumstances and traumas resulting in my lack, it remains […]