i am not going to give myself time to change my mind about doing this. undertaking this first one immediately.
10-13-06, the list
in relation to the immediately preceding post, this is the list of the things that most hurt me. i admit that i am lightly surprised at how quickly they rise to be listed. i am at once ashamed to be so able to list them and somewhat relieved that i do not shy away from the listing. the process of relating them to myself so as to discover why they hurt will likely take more time and be more difficult. i intend to address each of these as their own topic over the coming days. that said, here is the […]
10-13-06, am
the words keep flowing to me, a river of confirmation and comfort, also of wisdom and learning. this, found within a favorite sangha, in response to my request for quote about removing oneself from negative situations, rejecting negative people, and that to do so is not a wrong thing:
10-12-06, pm
lingering with the sangha tonight, there was a dharma talk. it hit upon something very close to the bone here. i am thankful.
10-12-06, afternoon
ran errands. picked up groceries. new collars for the cats, as they’ve outgrown the old ones. new toys. bah. worse than kids and i can’t resist the thought of them gamboling around. brought it all home. collars not yet on, have let them enjoy a day of uncollared freedom. heh.
miracle drug (lyric)
i often archive songs that have lyrics that hold meaning to me. just found another. :)
10-12-06, am
Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it. Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved, but for the patience to win my freedom. – Shantideva
10-11-06, HMR – Epitaph
I let myself be fully open and vulnerable before you. I let you foster closeness and encourage care and love. I let you punish me for giving. I let you hurt me for caring. I let you pretend yourself innocent and put-upon, harassed even, by its arrival. I let you cut me repeatedly for things that were never my fault. I let you use faith to support your abuse. I let you get away with saying you were entitled to behave in this manner. I let you use and abuse me. I let you make me feel wrong about telling […]
a moment
“You must believe the lie, so you may find the way to make it true.” The above, a seminal comment dropped within a light-hearted comedy…. or something that seemed so at first. A movie, recommended to me by a friend; So much so that they bought and shipped me a copy. It was, I think, a meaningful thing on many levels, not the least of which was that I find this one comment in a moment in which it would be simply, beautifully beneficial and helpful to hear it. I cannot say I believe in some overarching order in the […]
10-10-06, pm
woof. what a day. everything you ever heard about government offices, government work, government PAPERwork is…. true.