Once upon a time, I was fully self-sufficient. I had to be, there was no one in the world who cared about me or what happened to and with me EXCEPT me, and I bloody well knew it. I didn’t realize until my mid-20’s that it could be any different. I didn’t realize until now that maybe it shouldn’t be. I’m re-learning; to be completely candid, I’m remembering it’s not wrong to maintain a healthy separation from those who cannot treat you honorably, inclusively, respectfully, and with care. I had forgotten how healing it is to simply tell someone that […]
The Analogous City – Hypertext meets Neocortex – The Pattern
Humans have spent all existence confining, defining, and refining concepts of relation between things. Any activity can be defined as a series of state changes whose only common denominators are energy / matter in a positive / negative / imponderable state. The level of refinement needed is inversely proportionate to the level of sustainability expected. The level of refinement needed is inversely proportionate to the level of scalability expected. The level of refinement needed is inversely proportionate to the level of commutativity expected. The level of refinement needed is inversely proportionate to the level of profitability expected. The above assertions are interrelated, often correlated; […]
From the archives: Why You Will Marry The Wrong Person – Alain de Botton
I will preface this by saying that, in my oh-so-humble opinion, you can put any word of relation in place of the word [love] in this item. It is nice to feel confident in that opinion, and pretty much all the soft and hard sciences support it, so I can even say (and savor) that I feel confirmed and validated. I know this is why my entire experience of family, fellowship, and friendship in this life is currently constrained to three people. I will not put a label on the sentiment that rises when I contemplate that, of the 7+ […]
WILBDHMDHMNM
I love my mother. But I could not be around her because she was so hateful in her alcoholism. I love my father. But I could not be around him because he was so physically and emotionally abusive. I love my sister. But I do not have the strength to cope with her bi-polar challenges. I love my grandparents and great-grandparents. But they passed long before I was an adult. I love my son. But I gave him up because my ex-husband and his new wife were using him to try and hurt me, and recklessly hurting him in the […]
Factual Attribution Error
I did not place you with Dean & Diane. I placed you with your father. I have no idea how you got from your father’s to Dean and Diane’s, but no one ever talked to me or had me sign anything or even said it was happening. I was contacted by Diane and told I needed to send her child support. I told her I didn’t know what the heck she was talking about, but you were supposed to be living with your dad. She never did tell me how all that came down, maybe you can find out. I […]
My almost family; my almost mother
The hardest part for me was sitting there, driving you back from Yelm to the airport; I was listening as you told me all the many ways that the entire time you were at [children’s home], all you ever really wanted was something else, somewhere else; that you were only there because David wanted it. It was an unexpected clarity, to be sure; but it was also a very painful thing for me to hear. You see, all those years that you weren’t wanting to be there? You were my newest and best mother; the mother I never had, the […]
>=< (pure seed; pattern, anomaly, etc)
The pure seed pattern is that which is present in all things. It is the driver of all evolution, the cycle of all living things, and The singular, paradoxical anomaly in any organized system, and/or/else/not (all non-organized systems). You can find the pattern anywhere that you can develop a way to “look” for it. It follows all defined “laws of physics”, except when it doesn’t, but so far in the human endeavor, all the cases of “doesn’t” rest comfortably in our blind spot. We dismiss them as “failed” for want of “objective certainty” – itself, the impossible state – then […]
Morning thoughts, day 19435
Did you know the United Nations is pushing something called “ID2020“? Have you actually thought about how easy it is to profile and track you thanks to technology you willingly carry in your pocket? So much argument about “whether or not its real”. How real do you need it to be? There is the website. This is the difference between the opinion many accuse me of and the fact to which I am referring. Damnation, the dichotomies. All culture now rife with umbrage, we collapse inward and obfuscate in the name of ‘plausible deniability’ – because resolution is anathema to […]