Briefly — over $5k in dental costs in 2009 that were not reimburseable. But slightly shy of enough to take them as itemized. And definitely not enough to cover the difference in taxes resulting from actually improving career and life. Upshot? Didn’t need to keep the receipts, have to pay “Uncle Sam”, and I’m a bit grumbly for it. Not much more to report, really. Good that this too, shall pass. Think I’m going to make coffee and curl up with the kitties for some reminders about how this kind of thing isn’t really such a big deal. Hope your […]
Transition: porro
Change is a wicked savvy thing. It often seems humans spend a fair amount of time trying to stave it off; straining under the weight of the inevitable only to stand (or lay) panting with relief at losing the struggle. It occurs to me that it is a waste to try and fight it. I didn’t used to think so, of course; but, when I consider the level of effort and pain that comes in that hopeless and doomed staving effort, it seems rather silly to me. I find I am more likely to think of effort and strain these […]
Bootstrap 126
Something flipped the switch. I’m not sure what it was and I suppose, ultimately, it doesn’t matter. There is an ancient pattern, long dormant, that is initializing. You never know how good you have it until you don’t; there are some things you never appreciate until they are gone. Hello, World.
Reminiscence
I started to write a long bit on remembering and I sprung a leak and had to stop. Tired and stopped up and drained, it seems rather pointless. So, instead, a pebble; carefully set along the boundary, just before the weeds. No one will pay mind to it but me. I’m the only one who will remember why it’s there. Maybe I’ll get lucky and forget, someday. That would be…. helpful.
The woman in the attic
There is a woman in the attic of my mind who I like to think of as someone other than “me”. She’s an angry thing; a harpy, really; all fluttering wings and sharp teeth and vicious smiles and “I told you so’s”. She scrabbles taloned feet on the hardwood floors and snarls whenever I think about closeness and care and the love of a good man. Someone sent me a letter that spoke to these things and she insisted upon speaking to them. It’s a first, really. Normally she just whispers reminders of old stories and hurts to keep me from becoming too […]
Expecting too much
I had cause today to comment somewhere on the problem I sometimes have with expectations. Pft! Sometimes?! More than I like by far. I suppose it’s pretty well impossible to live without ANY expectations, but I try very hard to confine them to myself (failing more than succeeding, as is often the human way). The effort of reminding myself or being conscious of how my own expectations color or affect the situations and events I experience is troublesome. The general assumption/expectation that others, given good intent or trust or benefit of the doubt, etc. will act in reasonable or even […]
Haiti and hating (how humans can sometimes be)
This post is likely going to upset some folk. If you’re prone to jumping to conclusions, knee-jerk reactions, or other methods of getting all “het up” before you know what I’m working toward saying, you may want to skip this one. The recent events in Haiti are horrific. Beyond terrible. Such loss and such lingering tragedy. As strange as it may sound to some reading this, I have spent a number of hours just bawling my eyes out for being one human, lacking in superpower or miracle dispensing ability. Sometimes, life is just heavy on the heart and mind; a […]
That game humans play
You know that game humans play? The one where they regurgitate memory, relive it, and fantasize about doing what they should have, or saying something different, or being more or less reactive? I do not often indulge, but I am doing so tonight. There is a particular event that I’m replaying, reliving, and changing in my head so I can get to the point where it can shrivel up and find its way to the dumpster. As you may know if you know me or followed any one of the various sites that this one now replaces, this is a […]
Internal conversation (rant)
Were I in any way prone to refuse or avoid the learning of this lesson, ongoing events make it painfully obvious in ways that insure my careful attention. This, an internal conversation after yet another instance of someone trying to foist themselves on me when they know their presence is unwanted. If I must make a formal complaint, I will. Trying to interact with me? Again? Still? Are you insane or just stupid? Or is it that you think I am? How can you try to talk to me as if you think there is any reason left in life […]
Crest
Whew. As in ‘over the crest’ and stars, I am glad of it. Today was an interesting day. I’m in the process of house hunting and the house I thought I was going to fall in love with turned out to be a badly flooded, poorly renovated, and utterly unacceptable thing. I chuckle to myself for the parallels to certain events of days past and smile to feel the band around my chest easing nicely. Tomorrow, another tour of homes and consideration of the question, “Is it possible to find what I want in the given price range?” If I […]