Perspective is a funny thing. This, a statement reiterated of old, is my way to working to come to grips with the inevitable reactions of encountering people I once felt a closeness to in circumstances after the “break” or change. I thought I was over the feeling that they had been so deceitful and selfish. But to sit in the same room, in proximity, and see them laugh and joke and be so utterly unconcerned, unaffected, uncaring when my stomach was hard as rock and memories of how it felt to discover lies where I had trusted and expected truth […]

He said, “I don’t understand why they aren’t beating your door down.” It made me laugh. How many times have I heard this? How many times have I had this conversation? It almost becomes an annoyance; the regularity with which it happens. “Everyone says they want someone like me,” I quip, “But when they find me or meet me, all they can do is shrink, shrivel, and beat feet.” “I don’t believe it,” He almost mutters, “They’re fools.” I find I cannot agree with him, no matter how much my ego wants to soak in that sentiment. “No, they’re not,” […]

A week with a friend, much needed, is drawing to a close. In less than an hour, I drive them to the airport for the flight home. There is a lot swirling in my head that I could put here, but the sense of it all would not be obvious. Said he to me, late night, last night, “I have not been this relaxed in…. well…. years.” It made me smile for many reasons, most of which deal with the reality this is a common theme and I am glad to know my friend finds peace and contentment with me. […]

It is an odd holiday for me this year. Mudita in effect, smiling for the smiles around me, my gifts to others more intangible than is the usual holiday fare. A contribution to a gathering and feast sits, cooling, upon the stove. My visitors of earlier, now departed, still the warmth of the moment remains. I bask in it, replete and content, the evening visitation; a time of tea and tellings, has delighted as only can a well shared moment. Tomorrow, a movie with a friend and then, a drive to the feast. Undoubtedly the phone will ring as much […]

Today is a good day. I shut down a script before it could get by me. :) Instead of chasing it for the next day, into the weekend, and maybe even into next week, it’s nicely boxed up and back on the shelf. Add to this, my very good friend is flying in on the 27th and will be here through the 31st. I’m just tickled to pieces that they’re coming to visit. They’ve been traveling for work the last years and I didn’t realize just how much I missed them (even with email and phone calls) until they casually […]

Between the end of year ruminations, recently set to rest “drama”, and the unexpected flutter of old ghosts, it has been a busy month thusfar. It occurs to me that a good bit of it is less sticky than it might have been, and I count it a “good thing”. Life is steadily becoming a moment to moment experience, rather than a constant and careful archival effort. A bit of a relief, really. Had someone told me in January that I would feel this way in December, I would have laughed long and loud for it. At this moment, mostly […]

So he gives me a holiday card. My first instinct, anger, is to throw it away unopened. Curiosity buffered that and I ripped the envelope off with a certain satisfaction, thinking to myself, “Oh, I can’t WAIT to see what THIS is…” I don’t look at the outside. I want to see what is said. Hard to describe, really… I read the words and my first reaction is yet another snarl for how quickly and easily the acceptance comes. “…very sorry it didn’t work out.” Sure you are. So very sorry that you couldn’t do a thing other than let […]

Life is an ocean, I think. Swells and waves, caps and curls. I’m a pretty good swimmer, for all that I rarely float and all too often am kicking about and spluttering salt water. I’m sitting here tonight thinking about the kinds of things I’d like to put on this blog, and realizing that most times, it’s just my red bound book; Chapel Perilous, the place where things that fret me come to wilt, wither, and rest. It occurs to me from time to time that anyone arriving here without personal knowledge of me will come away with a dramatically […]

This is one of those personal type posts wherein I spend the obligatory (?) five minutes or so of “Poor Baby” time on myself so I can get the hell over it, core dump it all from my mind, and move on with life. So…. if that’s not something that sounds interesting to you, feel free to skip this one.

Well, the first semester of the college year is done. I am relieved. The one instructor that was such an absolute horror managed to get in a last swat at me as I was departing. She made a point of running my penultimate assignment (resume and cover letter) through the mill and damn near crowed when she though she found “similarities” to a sample resume online. I’m very proud of myself for not pointing out to her that terminology and phrasing of resumes tends to run rather standard for certain industries (technology in particular). I also didn’t point out that […]