Someone asked me tonight what I would want Santa to leave under the tree for me, but I have no one thing I would request that a mythical man in a red suit might be able to deliver. What things I would ask are neither boxable nor giftable but by those who would grant them of themselves. So I will be content, or perhaps discontent as life requires, until such time as they manifest organically or I lay myself into the organic field. Some gifts are spoiled by the asking and others, no words could ever properly request.

Sometimes, the harsh part about being right is that you’re right when you didn’t want to be. Then, you must deal with it and everything that comes with having it confirmed. I think sometimes, I’d really like to be proven wrong. But it just doesn’t seem to happen very often. Does that sound arrogant? I promise you, it is not. It is said with a very weary, very heavy sigh and a tone that is a combination of sadness, frustration, and despair. It will pass, of course. But while it is here, it is a heavy and unwelcome thing. So […]

New cut and color for winter and end of year, and the next pass of color on the right arm sleeve. Galleries below… click through to view (arrows for navigation under each when they pop up). [nggallery id=7] Not sure if this gallery is ordered properly or not. If not, I’ll see about fixing it another time. [nggallery id=8]

In less than a week, you were telling me that you were in love. That you loved me. In the first two weeks, you were making plans and telling me all about how you wanted me in your life. I listened with more than a little skepticism. I didn’t believe you. As it turns out, I was right. You do not know what love IS and you certainly had no love of me; You had no more intention of any of that blather about a future, your friends, your mother, or any of it being more than romantic babble; soap […]

Something about the end of the year, y’know? Tying up loose ends, anticipating the new year, thinking about things won, lost, given, received, blah, blah, blah. I’m overdue for the renewal of my commitments (likely not a public post this year, sorry folks), and have decided not to undertake that process until I skim off a bit of angst and anger for recent developments. I suppose it is something of a marked change that I’m not as willing to blurt and blather about such things as I used to be. Kind of self-preservation and an increasing lack of interest in […]

In no particular order: I become increasingly certain that some remembrances are utter wastes of time. Winter in Seattle is a gray and ghostly thing. I really need to do more than think about quitting smoking. Wonder what my LDLs are now. The thing I miss most is the sense of being needed. Correction: You.

I find that “emotional logic” is not a man’s strong suit. I guess this will not come as a surprise to many others, but it does surprise me. Mildly, anyway. When considering a relationship, my base premise/assertion is as follows: When two people like one another and are considering a relationship with one another, they need to spend time together to learn about one another so as to determine if or how well they complement one another. If the above is true, then it stands to reason that, under the circumstances of dating or entering a relationship, one would find […]

When annoyed, I am sharper than a razor and twice as careless what I cut. Not with intent, in fact, usually thoughtless and without consideration. I have been annoyed most of the day for three reasons, none of which I’m going to bore you by laying out. Suffice to say I still struggle with immediate escalation in the face of aggressive behavior on the part of others and it bothers me more and more every time it happens. Practice says that meditation on compassion transforms this reaction, and perhaps it has softened things slightly over the last years, but not […]

I know I’ve said there more than a few times – that life is a learning experience. Frankly, I am increasingly convinced that this is its only purpose. It often seems to beg the question, “For what?”, since it also often seems that there’s no real point to learning so much only to die; But this too, seems to be potentially insightful, even if validation of the various possibilities is, itself, impossible while living. This particular ramble is brought to you, gentle reader, courtesy of a conversation with a friend at distance yesterday. We chatted for about three hours (I […]

 Two people have asked to spend today with me. I have told both that they were/are welcome. Neither have arrived and neither have contacted me to advise if or when they intend to do so. Fair enough. I have a few things I want to get done today and I’m going to go do them now. Today is the day I stop talking about this change and start enacting it. If either contact me, they’re going to need to catch up with me when I am finished. If that isn’t convenient for them, then perhaps they can manage to get […]