it’s been a while since i’ve made more than a passing entry here. i almost feel apologetic. almost. as you know, life has been busier than usual of late and in utter frankness, i haven’t had a lot of time to sit about thinking. this may well be ‘a good thing’… i can’t really tell. i’m enjoying life in the moment and the feeling that my life has happenings that are other than disasters. it has been some time since i’ve felt this is the case. i dunno, i don’t spend too much time thinking on ‘how amazing’ it all […]
extracting the rest
welp, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my oral life. heh. surgery scheduled for 8am, should be home by 1-2ish. likely be completely out of it until a day or three, but there will soon be video of dentures and the first truly white, straight smile of my life. as timing would have it, there is a new technology in the journals that talks about ‘reseeding’ teeth… they have found the way to implant ‘seed’ teeth and have the body grow them as they did when one was an infant. i am fascinated. this may be the […]
things unsaid, the first
—————————- Original Message —————————- On Mon, September 10, 2007 5:41 pm, [email protected] wrote: > That exchange you posted got me thinking, and i think morrisey put it > best, “why do i waste valuable time on people who don’t care if i live or > die?” I’ve noticed that there are a LOT of people around, billions i hear, > i reckon there are plenty of them worth investing in that are better than > THAT guy. They may even respond in kind. ————————————————————————— Oh, irony… or perhaps (more aptly) projection. I find it both soothing and vindicating that eventually, […]
remembering to forget
that quirky little oxymoron is my mantra for the next while. i have let myself get caught up in looking backward in a way i do not usually permit. it is one thing to write and release something, another to write as the means by which to continue trying to cling to it. final thoughts on things i have released or am now releasing… it has been almost three years since i encountered heath. in this moment, i am quite thankful that i do not think of him except deliberately, like this, to celebrate the passage of time, of him, […]
creve coeur
i’ve been thinking about you most of the day. angry thoughts. you know the kind, the ones that knit long cerebral video of highly emotionally and vicious ‘get backs’ where the tables are, at long last, turned… and you get to hurt the way you’ve hurt me. i find it ironic that today brings bloodthirsty thoughts rather than romantic ones. sad, too, of course, but i try to find humor in life when i can, even if decidedly black. of course it occurs to me that i wouldn’t be hurting if i could just accept that you really are the […]
baba yaga and the lake
surface dwellers, all skimming indolently across the lake that laps before my home, the place that, like me, is reaching emptiness
reaching emptiness
i tally the last weeks of effort and find i am no further along than when i began in relation to building anything more than friendships and rarely that. martin was a funny, intelligent, enjoyable man. but he wanted all the trappings of commitment without having to make a commitment and that was the end of that. andy was a carefree, gentle man. our first date found me feeding him because he was out of work and penniless and our second date turned out the same and i just don’t have it in me to support someone and it is […]
writing and being alone
i haven’t written anything to speak of in a few months now. whenever this happens, i always wonder if this will be the break from which i never return to writing regularly. that probably sounds weird. meh, whatever. i have the feeling every time this happens that one of these times, i’m going to simply stop writing and that will be the end of it. i’m not really sure why it feels that way. i think part of me is hoping that i will become so immersed in life that i won’t feel the need to write about it anymore. […]
note to a new friend (dating)
archival. —– It’s been a bit of a while since I’ve felt the urge to write as I am used to doing. I have the sense that conversing with you is stirring things ‘back in La Brea’, the tarpits, where all things are shuttled or tossed for processing and assimilation; the ‘room in the back of the head’ so to speak. Generally, I shove all things (input, thoughts, stimuli in need of processing, ideas, etc.) there and let the physiology and psychology ‘do its thing’ with it all. The natural outcome bubbles up over time as writing, art work, contemplation, […]
found on a profile
this item, found on someone’s profile (a man looking for a woman) made my heart melt. figures he’s in DELAWARE. sigh. — Gorgeous Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing. They just have to wait for the right “MAN” […]