the interesting thing about my life is how often things change. sometimes, i complain about it, but underneath it all, not-so-secretly, i rather enjoy it. change is coming. soon this site will go offline and another will take its place. we’ll see how it flies. in all honesty, i can’t say i won’t miss this place…. but in many ways, i’ll be glad it’s gone. the new site is looking lovely. i got my hands on artisteer, a theme creation tool, and it’s just wonderful. i may even begin submitting themes for use by others. heh. we’ll see.

morose. hormones kicking in. feeling angst because, as expected, there is only silence and distance from the guy that mere days ago, i was all giddy about. my roommate has the worst timing ever. he hugs me and tells me he’s glad i’m here and all i can think is, ‘yeah, but…’ as in ‘you’re awesome, but…’ ugh. yeah. hormones. fucking weepy ass things. i yearn for menopause and the end of them. maybe then i can finally get over the awful loneliness and figure out how to just enjoy being alone. yes, i know, it ebbs and flows. yes, […]

i remember when men would take the bus or train to the end of the line, just in hopes of having enough time to get my name and number. i remember always feeling as if i could never really be sure if they were interested ‘in me’ or in the form my parents gave to me. it became something of a joke. they always seemed to open with a compliment about my appearance and i would say, ‘i’ll be sure to let my parents know… since i have no control over how i look and it’s to my parents credit […]

angst. i say i hate it, but apparently, i am lying because it is here and i’m letting it be here. blah blah fucking blah, all the things i’d usually whine about. let’s just consider them said, shall we? all the names, all the emo bullshit that rattles around in the back of my head, all the fears and related anger over being alone, yadda yadda yadda. redundant shit. small effort to balance perspective by referencing the great job, great roomie/friend, great things in work and life over all. yeah yeah yeah, like that makes any fucking difference to narcissistic […]

Tenho saudades tuas e de todas as coisas que eu logo pensei que fosse um outro. (I miss you and all the things I once thought we were to one another.)

looks like my posting habits are a’changin’ and that’s alright by me. i’m going to try and make a point of posting at least once a week, artwork not withstanding, to yammer about what’s happening and basically do my part to keep those who care to read about it up to date on what’s happening in my corner of the universe. i don’t really have a lot in the way of ‘new news’… the dentures were relined on thursday and the comfort level has greatly improved. we’re already talking about the implant schedule, though likely no movement beyond talking will […]

i’m writing in a moment of sleepiness and bemusement and i’m not sure if or how much either (or both) will affect the outcome. this said, i have received positive proof today that my idealistic perspective in relation to the concept of infinite possibility (that things are always possible until we decide they are not) is not only not all that idealistic, but very likely accurate, reasonable, and rational. it is a decidedly nice bump of validation in an area that doesn’t see it very often. i’ll say more about it when i feel more comfortable that it’s real and […]

it’s been a while since i’ve made more than a passing entry here. i almost feel apologetic. almost. as you know, life has been busier than usual of late and in utter frankness, i haven’t had a lot of time to sit about thinking. this may well be ‘a good thing’… i can’t really tell. i’m enjoying life in the moment and the feeling that my life has happenings that are other than disasters. it has been some time since i’ve felt this is the case. i dunno, i don’t spend too much time thinking on ‘how amazing’ it all […]

welp, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my oral life. heh. surgery scheduled for 8am, should be home by 1-2ish. likely be completely out of it until a day or three, but there will soon be video of dentures and the first truly white, straight smile of my life. as timing would have it, there is a new technology in the journals that talks about ‘reseeding’ teeth… they have found the way to implant ‘seed’ teeth and have the body grow them as they did when one was an infant. i am fascinated. this may be the […]

—————————- Original Message —————————- On Mon, September 10, 2007 5:41 pm, [email protected] wrote: > That exchange you posted got me thinking, and i think morrisey put it > best, “why do i waste valuable time on people who don’t care if i live or > die?” I’ve noticed that there are a LOT of people around, billions i hear, > i reckon there are plenty of them worth investing in that are better than > THAT guy. They may even respond in kind. ————————————————————————— Oh, irony… or perhaps (more aptly) projection. I find it both soothing and vindicating that eventually, […]