i dream of alternate lives. have for as long as i can remember. i often wonder if those dreams are the real life or if this one is. i cannot say i always know. things are different, even as they are the same. me and the ‘generic’ you… in all our amazing possibility… sometimes, you and i are married. sometimes, we have only just met. sometimes, we never meet, not in a grocery, not at the library, not on a street corner, not at all. or, if we do, it’s strangers passing one another without awareness. for all i know […]
shaking it off (done)
done. as in finished; all interest sloughing off like leftover skin after a particularly bad burn. apropos and amusing, the analogy. done. as in mental halt every time it wants to think of you. throw the switch, change the track, force the stubborn little car along the rails past the place where a thought of you lingered or was triggered. done. as in choosing to remember all the things that hurt and were never quite important enough to you… reminding myself of the many ways i let you bruise me in the name of the moment in which you might […]
friday and boy, is my hair RED
heh. click through to view! (picture for those who cannot get to the video!)
moving on… the first
It’s 5:24pm and I’m slap worn out. I mean, TIRED, folks. But… I have a foam mattress to keep this arthritic bod happy, and some fair pieces from the thrift store run to boot.
kicking my own ass
i am both very pleased with and very angry with myself, all at once. i reneged on a promise made to myself several years ago today. but i caught it and corrected before it became more than a momentary lapse of judgment. so now i’m trying to figure out what, precisely, caused it and how to deal with it without needed to really be kicking my own ass. there’s a point at which self-punishment not only is futile, but almost sadistically selfish. if you know you’re built to do things a certain way, you know your triggers, and your patterns […]
short entry
still more twists and intrigue in the ongoing effort to roll me permanent. a third position on the table and me, given choice as to which i want. my decision rendered, they proceed to the paperwork that makes it official. now i wait. in other news… a small dip into melancholy over the fact of being proven ever-so-right in relation to a certain someone’s disappearance. i believe i did mention i have a hard time accepting such things. let this be the proof. ~sigh~ in still other news, the daughter comes out to visit on the 26th for the holiday. […]
today is viral video day
the most amazing thing i’ve seen in a long time. made me laugh. made me cry. humans are brilliant, beautiful, all together wonderful things. every now and then, there is something that showcases this in a playful, mindful, delightful way…. the experience is the experience, being in the moment is all that matters, and when you manage it, you feel something like what you will feel watching this video. so, enjoy. remember the feeling and remember you can have it whenever you are willing to let everything else go and just be where you are. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7tfyVbyD08 (alas, it is gone)
luxuries
you know what is nicest about life lately? i can do things for myself and not feel guilty about them. for example… you all know i’m dyslexic and you know how easily i get lost. you all know how it bugs me, and you also know that, because of it, i very rarely get/go out beyond places i already know how to reach. no more. today, just now actually, i have bid/purchased/won a magellan gps system to go into my murano. check it out Magellan 4050 w/Traffic Kit not only did i get a hella deal, its coming to me […]
halloween at work
well now. some folks do it and some folks do it up. these folks, i do believe, are the latter.