click through to view dah video. also, the bed i’m aiming to get for my room here in the not-too-distant future.

took the imac in today to repair/replace the glass on the front. it was damaged out of the box and had a weird faded spot there. i thought it was a shadow, but closer examination (new glasses for the win!) revealed damage. apple warranty took care of it, no charge. love that. also went thrift store shopping today and got a sweet wood (not fake crap) bookcase for $30. and then some knicknacks to make it look homey. finally unpacked the last of the boxes. alas, all that will fit in this room is a twin bed. haven’t got the […]

sometimes, when i look at the things people have made over the years, i feel sadly that my only experience of them is on the fringe, outside looking in. not because i think or feel i should be ‘there’ instead of ‘here’… it’s really all the same. more that i think about the things i might have made, too, had i been in the midst of the swirling creativity; sparks of sparks and all fanning the flame. i had such a ‘near miss’ with two groups in recent years. both of which continue to swirl on my periphery. i keep […]

you’ll note a new theme. you’ll note it is missing something. something it has always had in some form or another. i’m not sure what it means. or if it will last. but i’m kind of enjoying that it isn’t compulsory in this moment. the baby picture is me, of course. 1966, actually. typo in the graphic. i was nine months old. i just put 1965 there because … well, not sure. i’ll get around to fixing it eventually. more another time. kind of tired.

i’m listening to silence and distance. the sixth remix. the final. remembering the dream i had. the one where we were long time gone from one another. i told you about it. i remember how you insisted that could never happen. i told myself i believe it because i wanted to believe it. gone binary. i’d wonder about that, but i won’t let myself. moot. oddly, i haven’t cried about it. comfortably numb. or something. i can’t tell if i’m sick to my stomach for being angry or being hurt. jumbled. they tend to run close together. always have, i […]

finally got around to doing this one to go with the previous post.

things are really spinning up at work. and the surprises just keep coming. today, walking back from a meeting, i round the corner and damn near knock down my VP. he stops me and puts his hand on my shoulder and says, “ah, good to see you! i wanted to let you know that i’ve been getting some pretty glowing reports about your work.” naturally, i went beet red and grinned like a jackass eating briars. he went on, “and i just wanted to tell you that, at the rate you’re going, you’ll be full time in no time.” he […]

things are really cranking up at work. and i’m cranking up right along with them. i’m hesitant to really detail it since it’s not possible without breaking nda. heh. suffice to say all the things i’ve learned along my personal and professional life are coming in very, very handy. also, everyone is surprised how much ‘bandwidth’ i have to bring (and am bringing). it used to be that this discovery wound me up working myself out of a job. here, it’s actually gaining me stars and kudos. yeah, i’m liking that. :) my direct report is (as i’m told by […]

one of the interesting tidbits about chamomile is that, when ingested, it has a decidedly bitter flavor. however its scent is one of the more relaxing things provided by nature. and, despite its flavor, it is a flower/herb with decidedly calm inducing properties; often taken as an anti-anxiety or sedative aide. i brought home a lavender-chamomile dispenser in the on-going war against cat box oder. it’s working very, very nicely, but my roomie isn’t so sure he likes it. he’s a french-vanilla fellow himself, rather obsessed with it, actually. (an on-going joke between us revolves around vanilla versus french-vanilla and […]

i’ve found a really good way to manage the occasional feelings of angst, melancholia, and moroseness. it works far better than i thought (or expected) it would. instead of feeling abandoned and wondering what’s wrong with me, i feel curious about what’s wrong with ‘them’. all the ‘thems’ who went on and on about what a wonderful person i was and then, dropped out of sight. i know most of the reasons. and for the first time, i’m feeling pretty good about saying them straight up and without any sense whatever that i’m off base. after all, i’m a good, […]