wouldn’t you know, as soon as i say i have no interest in something, it flips around and proves me wrong. new mandala coming soon as i write the bit that goes with it.

i find i am restless and bored. i want to start work. i want to get back to ‘normalcy’. i want to start getting out again. these last few weeks of general confinement have reminded me that, while i’m definitely a ‘homebody’ by the standards of most, there are definitely degress of being so that i am not interested in and living with them now while i wait for work and payroll is wearing on me. grating, actually. gaming is making it worse. hard to explain. i’m tired of the games, really. it’s always the same. same grind, same guild […]

a couple of weeks ago, i had to sell a set of pre-ban ivory statues that have been in my family since shortly after WWII. my grandfather brought them home to my grandmother. he died shortly thereafter of polio. my ‘father’ was only a year old. the story goes that they were unique, even for that time; a japanese man playing harp and a geisha playing lute. very elegant, beautiful figures. i used to stare at them when i was a child and admire the geisha specifically… she looked so beautiful and graceful and i would imagine that a good […]

i’m not real sure where this is going to go. i am writing it completely in this moment. i was sitting on the patio, in the twilight, having a clove cigarette, looking at the nearly full moon and just letting thoughts surface and sink. and i had the thought that i’ve spent a good deal of my life giving my love away to everyone around me. then, it occurred to me that i never gave much of it to myself. the ripple from that pebble of a thought is much greater than i thought it might be. i’ve moved inside […]

it is a lovely day here in seattle. i’m sitting here waiting for my books to arrive. there’s a wee bit of study to do prior to starting the new job, and i intend to draft some preliminary businees requirement layouts for use when i land. in the meantime, my roomie is in the warhammer open beta and i’m getting to dabble with it when he’s not doing so. it’s an interesting game…. the semi-cartoonish look of WoW, but slightly more photorealistic. the textures and animations are not unlike the ones you’ve seen if you played Mythic’s ‘Dark Age of […]

i think one of the hardest parts of getting older is realizing that there are those who will react differently to you. it’s silly things, things that shouldn’t matter, but they do. tonight, someone popped off with a rather crude ‘male-ism’ in front of me and it was then that i realized – i’m gender neutral to them. when you’ve become ‘one of the guys’, there’s just no way they’ll ever see you as a woman again. simple fact. it bothers me. it bothers me because there’s a whole lotta greatness sitting here and i’m really starting to get tired […]

1am and i am tired, should be sleeping 1am and i am relieved, should be happy suddenly, all the good things recede and all i can think about is the ocean, the distance and that i am missing you isn’t it silly? you’d think i didn’t want to be happy the way i so often miss you i used to say i didn’t understand how i could miss something i’ve never had but the shape of it, here, in my mind has been filled in over time and experience i know what i’m missing here at 1am

heh. a little light reading whilst i wait for my start date of the 22nd, the following books were ordered from amazon tonight: “Agile Adoption Patterns: A Roadmap to Organizational Success” Amr Elssamadisy; Paperback “Agile Project Management with Scrum (Microsoft Professional)” Ken Schwaber; Paperback “UML for the IT Business Analyst: A Practical Guide to Object-Oriented Requirements Gathering” Howard Podeswa; Paperback mind you, it is not that i am unfamiliar with Agile and UML/RUP, but it’s never a bad idea to get the terminology and rails of the guidelines fresh in your head. my personal opinion on ‘methodologies’ is that most […]

heh. yes. i did. get it, that is. (beam) i start on the 22nd. paydays are weekly (thank the stars!) and in march of 2009, we’ll all huddle up to decide it i go permanent or not. i’m going today to pick up books on agile and rup just to brush up on it all, it having been a short while since i’ve been in the thick of either. i am relieved. i actually sagged into the wall when the call came. heh. someone has already said to me, ‘you should of had no doubt.’ but truth be told, these […]

i’ll know today if i have this job or not. i’ve dreamt both outcomes, then daydreamt them again upon waking. comfortably numb; i’ve worn myself out fretting for it. i can do nothing but wait. the other direct hire position has poofed, so if this one doesn’t come through, i’m back to square one and, after a month of being here, that’s not good. but i’ll cross that bridge if/when i get to it. i also dreamt last night about the studio with the water view again. no idea where that place is, but i would sure like to find […]