the disturbing dream of last night leaves a trail. further research is required, and i have a short list of the things that need to be immediately ruled out. we’ll see how that goes before thinking on it more. it may just be the usual over-reaction to a strong weather front. the rain is here today. hah. obviously, i have no idea as yet. but this time around, i think there’ll be no rest until i find out. in the meanwhile, compression socks and layered binding on the ankles to keep the water out of them or at least to […]

The trip to the office is uneventful, rapid, even. Like life cleared the way to insure I didn’t miss this event. I never have liked the sterile, beige-white buildings. Or the antiseptic smell. I sit nervously waiting in the front office. Why is it you always have to wait when you have an appointment? It’s bad enough you’re waiting for answers that have the potential to change the course of your life. It’s like sitting in the waiting room of life, really. That’s how it feels. Like sitting, waiting for someone to tell you that life has decided you get […]

leave it to me to fall in love with an instrument that takes more than a year to obtain from its manufactuers (if you can get them to sell you one at all). :( one day. one fine day. i will be able to put video here of myself playing this marvelous instrument. but i suspect it will be a while indeed. just listen to these entries at youtube: link then go read up on why it takes as long as it does to get one: link truly amazing. not since the kazoo have i felt so assured of being […]

i’ve been forgetting to insert the ‘more’ tag lately. load times are increasing for it. back to doing so. evening update and some rather distressing developments today healthwise. meh. as always, click through to view.

i just had the most amazing conversation. with a man. here. in my own damn town. hah. they have a campfire (!!) meet at which they do readings, make music, and jabber the night away. HAH! HA HA! i told him i’d fucking PAY to attend one. he said no need. he’d be sure to give me a call the next one comes up. usually weekends. and guess where it is? LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE. HAH! TAKE THAT, LIFE! No, no, wait… you don’t get it… I DO! HAH! holy hell. no. video. this deserves video. hang […]

something woke me. not sure what. it is way too early for me to be awake. going to try to go back to sleep, but documenting this dream because it was…. odd. i was working at a factory. a conveyor belt production line. something canned. i have no idea what. the belt kept running faster and i couldn’t keep up and the other workers on the line were starting to grumble because it was affecting everyone downstream. i felt helpless and embarrassed. it seemed so easy for everyone else, and yet, there i was, unable and feeling really very worthless […]

my truck broke down today. now here is a testament to things…. not even a week ago, i would have been cursing up the sky and wailing and gnashing my teeth about it. but today, i just shrugged and said, ‘alright. i get a day at home.’ played with Daka. played my game. considered writing but i didn’t FEEL like it. so took a nap instead. phone woke me. they were calling to say it was ready and they were on the way to pick me up. heh. you know you’re living in a small southern town when the mechanic […]

hah! this morning as i’m dressing, the following interaction with Daka. amazing. :) [quicktime]http://www.m3me.online/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/daka_fetching.mov[/quicktime]

i’m up later than i should be. it’s alright though. i’m sleeping well lately and there’s always coffee. as the title states, something is changing here. i’m not quite sure what it is just yet. at the moment, it is a feeling. kind of still in the wings. not really more than a taste of something that is ‘different’ in ways that are hard to try and define. i’m not feeling as lonely. i’m not as angry as i thought i would be of recent things. i’m not as prone to spikes of sadness. i’m also not putting a lot […]

the inbetween transition, change from one state into another from the past tense into present the slow steps relentless