s’ok, i’m waiting on the new machine to arrive and kind of trying to keep my excitement under wraps. so i decide to go look at the tracking and remind myself it’s still a couple of days away… you know, throttle down a bit. hah! no way! according to the tracking, it will be here today before 3pm! now, imagine if you will, a 42 yr old woman doing the ‘happy dance’ in the middle of her living room. i. kid. you. not. damn it. it’s only 6am. i’m such a geek. already thinking about the best way to get […]

i’m writing from the keyboard of an acer laptop loaned to me until a replacement machine can arrive. that’s about a miracle of a condensed statement. today has been among the more chaotic days i’ve had in recent history. but it has also been among the more insightful. reckon as long as i can say this, i’m in good shape. i’d tell you all about it, but frankly, i’m starting to do more than think about the notion of not having to hold onto or remember every fucking detail of things. sometimes, it’s just good to say, ‘yup, that sure […]

(a final update before bed… the machine is still acting up, but it turns out the crashes seem to be related to something happening either with the browser or possibly something happening in the file permission structure. in the meantime, sadder happenings.) This is a very hard letter for me to write, but I think the time has come that it is obvious and I see no reason to continue trying to pretend otherwise.

so ok, i just posted earlier today about the imac of my dreams, right? well about fifteen minutes ago, my g5 gave the first of what is sure to be several death rattles on its way to dying. i kid you not. system diagnostics say there’s something wrong with the board and the hard drive has been returning SMART failure since i got it in september of last year. i’ve back up the important stuff to a portable drive (thanks mike!) and if it dies, i’m not losing everything as i have the last three times this has happened. on […]

you know, sometimes the sheer silliness of it all makes me laugh. it does not take that much to make me happy. really. and when i’m coming up out of a funk, i think about that and i have to laugh. why is it that when you’re in a funk, the last thing you think about is how little it would take to make you happy? i begin to think there’s some kind of logical/mental shutdown that gets in the way.

damn it. i forbid myself to go to ebay until or unless i have money to spend, which is never these days. and this is why… http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=230235182423 the very imac i would need. and look at that price. damn it. DAMN IT. sigh.

i couldn’t decide if i wanted to blog this or not. i am mostly because it’s the only way to insure the stuff doesn’t get lost in a hardware failure or whatnot. i’m ambivalent yet on the matter of completely sieving the blog or of ending the archiving of things. bleh. until i decide, it’s business as usual. (recording: tideline.mp3) read on for the words…

6:30am – wake up with stomach feeling like it’s pompeii 8:30am – finally decide to take the day off and try to sleep through pompeii 12:30pm – admit there’s no sleep to be had and drive to the store for pepto and hopefully, relief 12:35pm – decide to toss the bag of trash that’s been sitting in the passenger floorboard for two weeks. 12:36pm – feel the wind pick up and the sound of a “click” from behind you as the truck door blows closed, effectively locking your keys and everything else in your truck. 12:40pm – finally find a […]

i don’t pay attention to the lines i color where i want to bold strokes and mismatched splash, dash, and crash and burn, most times i am inappropriate wanting it all willing to reach for it hands swollen and scarred for the many rules and rulers telling me how inappropriate i am it is inappropriate not to care for the labels to just care for people for life for living for loving i am inappropriate abnormal and lacking too loud, too intense too much, too often everyone says so it must be true, right?

“so, what do you think of the place?” i ask the question with some trepidation, knowing it is, at best, humble by the world’s considerations. “i love it. it really reflects where you are in life.” he replied.