After years, several domain moves, and a slew of attacks by life, this place is back… kind of. (read on…)
Resignation
Most of the problems I have with finding and keeping work rest in the reality of my autistic being. More specifically, that I am unable to maintain the cultural and societal norms expected in business environments. That these environments are unwilling to employ me is discriminatory, yes, but beyond this, a compelling proof of how and why our national competency, be that in innovation or even systematization is devolving. My competencies stem from my autistic being and the potentially unique manner in which I absorb, assess, and audit information to formulate, rapidly, a path from current state to goal. Because […]
April Fools (like me)
“Because our relationship has been mainly long-distance since my adolescence (I know it was not by your choice, no judgment), it’s what I grew comfortable with and feels natural to me.” – my daughter, 2023 What she fails to mention is that she was with me for twelve years, only ‘long-distance’ for two, and chose, because of those two, to cut me out of her life except by ‘long-distance’. Now she acts like that was something she had no responsibility for, and despite the parenthetical, the statement itself IS judging as to reason and cause, and heavily implies that reason […]
Life is precious
One of the things I always felt certain of, since I was a child, was that every life mattered to this world. I felt this deeply and without doubt; it was true for animals as well as humans. I could not explain how and why I knew this, but I knew it through me – brain, blood, and bone. As I have lived and experienced this world, I have come to understand that most humans do not think this at all, let alone have a deep and doubtless conviction about it. I think most humans are not in touch with […]
Sunday Solitude Thoughts
There is no one in my life who cares for me excepting myself and my husband. My daughter does not care if I am homeless, so long as she does not have to inconvenience herself with care of or for me. My son never cared about me, for he assumed I cared not for him. Both mistook my care in leaving as lack of care rather than understanding I cared enough to give them away rather than lead them into the street or hard time by my side. I suppose it is easier to think this than to understand the […]
Finding Me – Rewriting life (it often feels)
It is hard to accept one’s shortcomings. It is hard to understand how the trauma of generations combined with the trauma of experiences result in inability, and how the stubborn refusal of inability results in that blindness behind which all manner of false belief and ego often, safely hides. I was and am a lacking human. I lacked the ability or means to nourish my children, I lack the ability and means to sustain my relationships, my friendships, my marriages, and myself. While I can point to and outline the many circumstances and traumas resulting in my lack, it remains […]
Callback to 2012 – Law School Presentation
In so far as you may be a resident, a citizen, and a constituent of a city, county, or state within the country of The United States, you really need to understand a very, very simple thing:
Coins: Autistic Life Energy Exchange Units
I hear some people like ‘spoon theory’, but since ‘there is no spoon’, I can’t be down with that. All the more spoons to those who believe in them. I align instead to the notion of ‘coins’ because it seems to allow more pointed conversations around parity and equity in both personal and professional contexts. It seems the ND curse to forever be superogatory surrogates of the NT expectation. I understand why; when you genuinely think your neurotype is ‘the only one’ or ‘the better one’ or ‘the more [X]’ one, of course those who are different are other, lesser, […]
