Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it. Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved, but for the patience to win my freedom. – Shantideva
10-11-06, HMR – Epitaph
I let myself be fully open and vulnerable before you. I let you foster closeness and encourage care and love. I let you punish me for giving. I let you hurt me for caring. I let you pretend yourself innocent and put-upon, harassed even, by its arrival. I let you cut me repeatedly for things that were never my fault. I let you use faith to support your abuse. I let you get away with saying you were entitled to behave in this manner. I let you use and abuse me. I let you make me feel wrong about telling […]
a moment
“You must believe the lie, so you may find the way to make it true.” The above, a seminal comment dropped within a light-hearted comedy…. or something that seemed so at first. A movie, recommended to me by a friend; So much so that they bought and shipped me a copy. It was, I think, a meaningful thing on many levels, not the least of which was that I find this one comment in a moment in which it would be simply, beautifully beneficial and helpful to hear it. I cannot say I believe in some overarching order in the […]
10-10-06, pm
woof. what a day. everything you ever heard about government offices, government work, government PAPERwork is…. true.
10-10-06, am
ack. woke up at 4:00am. can’t get back to sleep. cruising some favorite gaming forums, ran into someone complaining about the lack of roleplay. replied. they deleted their post, saying they saw something they liked. decided to record that reply here, mostly because it’s as true a thing as i can imagine and worth remembering:
10-09-06, pm
well, technically it’s the 10th, but i haven’t slept yet, so i’m fudging. too excited to sleep. interview tomorrow and i’m hopeful.
10-08-06, pm
obligatory entry. not much to tell. well, there is, but it’s all game related, which makes it ‘not life’ and i’m working on putting a little more distance between the two of late.
10-07-06, pm
had a brief and interesting exchange with a friend today. this one, recently gone to ‘radio silence’ in order to see to things that have long since needed their attention on the home front.
10-06-06, pm
another very good day, albeit a quiet and peaceful one. meant to do laundry. didn’t. meant to go to the grocery store. didn’t. spent the day lazing about with the cats, playing with the gallery, and taking the time to be gentle and kind to myself. simple thoughts, relaxed and luxuriously comfortable with blankets, watched a couple of favorite movies and just enjoyed a return to contentment.
10-05-06, pm
what a wonderful day! i woke feeling invigorated and renewed, i literally danced around the apartment, straightening, cleaning, organizing. i thought to head out for a time today, but finances won’t permit it just yet. no matter. soon. i smile for it, too.