tonight, i was reading the words of others, speaking on how they ‘became buddhist’. my own becoming initiated some years ago, though i was ignorant of it. the ‘official’ moment occurred as of a result of meeting someone in january of this year who was buddhist and, upon investigation of the traditions and some fairly strange synchronicities, it settled over me like a comfortable cloak that i have delighted ever since to wear. i read some of these accounts, people who are much more learned than i, or so it seems… and i wonder if ever i will be as […]
08-10-06, am
stomach virus. ick. well, at least now i know. good thing i didn’t go in to work yesterday. i’m sure co-workers would not at all appreciate the contagion. supposedly ok once fever has broken, so maybe tomorrow. meh. of course the fun part is, i still have to go get a perscription refilled, so very likely i’m infecting someone, just not someone i know. sigh. bored to pieces. have slept too much, so wide awake. not much to do at home except re-read a book, tease the kittens, or play the game. restless. none of these seem attractive. cabin fever, […]
08-09-06, am
ugh. home ill again… something is terribly wrong with my stomach. i cannot figure out if it is stress (where? why?), illness, or just something i ate. can’t lay down without winding up rushing to the bowl. water barely stays down, yet i feel hungry. bleh. not fun. i was ill on friday like this, and have felt like i have a rock in my stomach since then… and now, ill again. i decide if it hasn’t cleared up significantly by payday, then it is to the doctor with me. for now, maalox, water, and maybe in a bit, cereal. […]
08-08-06, afternoon
thusfar, a pleasant day. i had the opportunity to listen as three co-workers (male) conversed about childbirth. intriguing stuff, this. the first, a father of two, was counseling a younger whose wife is pregnant with their first child. a decision to ‘go natural’ discussed, the elder man was effusive on what a life-changing experience it was, how incredible the sight of it all was, and wryly humorous about the happenings during transition. the third, a young fellow who just bought a house with his fiance, then spoke of how he passed out… twice… just watching a video of childbirth. but […]
08-07-06, early pm
for some reason, today i’ve been thinking about something kind of off the wall. sorry, no context will be given, this is just a ramble on the thinking set here for future reference. which is better — that someone enable behavior that results in suffering, or that someone insist on not enabling such behavior? which is better — that someone watch another struggle and say nothing, or that someone point out a means to move through? which is better — that someone accept all cuts from another, or that someone insist that cutting ends? which is better — to suffer […]
08-06-06, afternoon
it is always good to have a moment of pure, unadultered happiness, laughter, and joy. this one arrived unexpectedly, which makes it all the better. i had to run errands today, pick up groceries, cat food, etc. and, as usual, the trip to the pet store found me indulging all manner of silly impulse buys. something about the thought of kittenish delight sways me every time. they ask so little, give every piece of themselves, and are ever happy to just be. things that are much deserving of indulgence, i think. so, toys. of course. and food. and litter. and […]
08-04-06, pm – a prayer
all things being equal that all beings benefit is the only purpose is the only aspiration foregoing self, releasing foregoing illusion, rejecting there is only compassion wish for becoming events and words and feelings samsara impeding, distraction in every moment, intention to give all things willing to cry, to ache, to bleed anything, everything, if only you do less than these if only you reach it first ‘not this life’ you said rejecting every good thing turning, silence, writhing as sunset you embrace no matter that you choose to set your face from me no matter you refuse it is […]
08-04-06, am
home ill today. been sending up the stomach most of the night. can’t lay down, so no rest. trying to distract myself and hoping the brick in my stomach dissolves sometime soon. in the meantime, reading a favorite Buddhism forum, encountered an unusual thing. preface this by saying it seems a favorite pastime of buddhists to seek out parallels, synchronicities, and analogies. i find it comforting to see, as it is something i find i do as well and maybe i’m not such an alien after all. heh. the unusual thing is the old fairy tale ‘cinderella’ set forth as […]
08-03-06, pm
‘V for Vendetta’ came out on DvD today. of course i snapped it up immediately. made the mistake of watching it again… too soon. the initial viewing had me hyped up and sharing several days of deep thoughts with another. also brought a series of parallel/synchronicities that were, at the time, deeply meaningful and enjoyable to consider. to watch it today was a profound mistake for the reminders it brought and the effect they had. sitting here with the anvil once more strung in my chest, i am angry with myself… i thought i was passed this. i thought it […]
Annie Lennox – Honestly
The beauty that you gave has turned upon itself. And all the things you said evaporated. Evaporated… Was I blind, deaf and dumb to the words slipped from your tongue? Honestly…honestly…honestly Alone in my bed, the things that you said go ’round in my head… still. It seems to be true that nothing I do can influence you… I tried and tried again… (Don’t you know that I tried and tried again to make you listen to me but everything I said- it always seemed to go right through you) …to make you notice me… (I turned myself into a […]