early to bed, early to rise, maybe someday, i’ll be more wise. heh. woke up at 4:30am. so much for seeing more than six hours sleep at a time. lingering after effects of circadian rhythm experimentation some years ago, i rarely sleep more than four hours a night. six is a treat. uncertain what today brings. looking at the budget, i am torn… furniture or savings? this is an ongoing debate… and while i choose savings every time thusfar, i’m still without savings to speak of… which seems curious. i admit, i’m repaying (slowly) a loan or two, and monthly […]
08-02-06, pm
an uneventful day, but for the phone interview for a freelance/sideline gig, which went well. it turns out the fellow interviewing is an executive with the company that provides the freelance portal… so instead of a single contract, i am perhaps going to be able to consult long-term across several projects. i smile for the manner in which this arrives, and that it turns into more than expected. i am actually sleepy ‘on time’ for a change, and will likely soon get me to bed. it is good to find my way back to a regular schedule. no more mid-night […]
08-02-06, early am
awake early from a bad dream. it has already faded, nothing but the sick to the stomach, heart thumping, back aching from adrenaline-rush aftermath. sitting here groggy but restless, and weird impulses writhing over one another. i always enjoy the first moments of waking, regardless their cause. there is a strange insanity as the mind works to push back the boundaries between this reality and the multiverse. weird flickerings of almost-lives, memories of things that never happened in this world, all manner of urges set to sublimation. ah, how words trigger thoughts. perhaps i am just that lonely that all […]
07-31-06, pm
today finds me curiously empty. empty in that way i should be, not leaning one side or the other, a middling that is comfortable. the last few days have been tranquil and i am catching up on reading and playing with graphics, doing a little research here and there. the new books on language arrived on saturday. enjoyable. i am cautiously planning a loose-lined course for the next six months. over time, i have become less prone to tight schedules and expectations. finding that life tends to throw curves, i prefer not to count on a particular end. instead, set […]
07-29-06, am
i think i will be saving these entries for the evenings from now on, as it never quite seems there is enough of interest upon waking to set here (unless of course, thoughts from last night are distilled and ready for pressing to the page). i reserve the write (heh)… day or night… as i might. hah. i’ll stop there. the last few days have been spent in Focus. the swell of it is surprising in its strength. something big, i mean really big, is coming. i’m excited for it. not at all scared. which is nice for a change. […]
07-28-06, early pm
never let it be said that the universe does not, in every moment, seek to confirm all things when one is walking the correct path. what doubt was held that this is the case has crumbled slowly of late, and today, is fully dispatched. why? well… i’m glad you asked. as part of on-going study, i partake in and on occasion contribute to several ‘virtual sanghas’. but most often, i simply read them, letting the whispers of the universe find me in the many words of others. today, while perusing one in particular, the following leapt out to me, and, […]
07-27-06, pm
some years ago, i wrote a piece describing an actual event in which my daughter and i, eating a chinese dinner, received two fortune cookies; one containing no fortune (mine) and one containing double fortunes (hers). at the moment, it struck me profoundly not only for the weirdness of the actuality, but as well for what those double fortunes said. the second one she received we determined would ‘be mine’ and upon its reading, a contemplation later that night ensued and i wrote the piece called ‘fortune cookie’, which rests here in the archives. i mention it because tonight, i […]
07-27-06, early am
i am a very stubborn person. it is, in large part, why i’m still here today. but sometimes, this stubbornness is much more a curse than a blessing. one of the true flaws i hold has its foundation in stubbornness. i am often unwilling to accept that people are as they are, that they can choose to be so, and that no matter how much you hope or want to see them otherwise, sometimes, you just have to accept it is never going to happen. not in this life, anyway. it’s a real sore point for me, because i happen […]
07-26-06, pm
“People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People who really want help may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway. Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the […]
07-24-06, early pm
home early today to wait for the cable company to show up and take this box away. they can’t seem to get it installed, and i’ve already missed too much work waiting on them to figure it out… giving up. they can keep it. reckon that television is going to be a really nice dvd player for the time being… (wry grin) in other news, i’ve done something today that has been long, long overdue. i cleaned out my archives. now i suppose at face value, that doesn’t sound like such a big deal. but understand… until this moment, i […]