(re-posting from Dharmaweb, a darn fine outlet for timely bits. this one i missed, but a beautiful friend re-posted it on her blog, so i wind up not missing it at all! i think that’s wonderful. read on, you will too.) The everyday practice of dzogchen is simply to develop a complete carefree acceptance, an openness to all situations without limit. We should realize openness as the playground of our emotions and relate to people without artificiality, manipulation or strategy. We should experience everything totally, never withdrawing into ourselves as a marmot hides in its hole. This practice releases tremendous […]
a spate of…
it makes me angry with myself that i am so focused on feelings of loneliness that ebb and rise. you should hear the conversations i have with myself. no, on second thought, be thankful you can’t hear them. i wish i didn’t. bleh. most of my life has been spent feeling very disconnected from the world around me. from people. i always feel as if i’m in the way, an imposition, a third wheel. or out of place. you know, square peg person in a round hole world. so when i meet people i really like, that i feel any […]
pardon the dust
i’m working on a rather massive move from categories to tags. look soon for a tag cloud and improved search functionality (because if **I** can’t find it here, ***you*** are purely s.o.l.). addenda: hrm. looks like i’m going to have to re-tag everything to boot. bleh. well, patience, eh? it’s in process.
waiting on monday
ever notice how being excited about something wears you out? i start my new job on monday and i swear i’m worn out for being excited about it. i suppose it will be a tad anti-climatic, the starting, but thankfully there will be plenty to get up on, learn, and of course, analyze so i’ll have the usual first two or three weeks of ‘brain drain’ (where i come home worn out from being an information sponge). the recent dental adventure has me feeling frustrated for not being able to just ‘do what needs to be done’, but i suppose […]
well. i’m not surprised.
today i had my appointment with the fellow who makes the partials and such. and a further discussion with the front office on scheduling and pricing and the like. it effectively torpedoed things. as in ‘gee, woman, how did you possibly manage to think this was actually going to work out for you? do you not recall whose life this is?” turns out, the insurance does not cover things at 50-80%. they only cover up to $1000. period. and, of course, the ortho and all require payment at time of services. they presented me with the estimate today. suffice to […]
relinquishing icons
something really big has happened and it pretty much happened without my particular notice until this moment. the icon of t.m.w.d.e. is gone. like…. gone. to think about it has no effect. wow. i’m not real sure what to make of it. so i’m not going to make anything of it at all. except to say it feels weird. it feels like seeing something in a box and knowing that, once upon a time, it meant so much to you…. but now, it’s just something old and stuck in a box… and you’re not real sure what you needed it […]
pre-planning and such
well, you know, for something that is pretty much a huge unexpected happening and expense, this is working out rather well. i’ve been in touch with my recruiter and they say ‘no worries, do what you need to, just let us know what it entails and we’ll insure it’s alright with the client’. one of the benefits of having that contract portion prior to full time hire. nice. also turns out that my benefits kick in on the first of october, not november. and the dental covers 80 percent and 100 percent if ‘necessary’ (which this definitely is)! after a […]
talk about understatements
well. the tooth couldn’t wait and today found me at the dentist. as usual, things were not only not as they seemed, but far more progressed than i’d like. before i delve into this, allow me to share with you that, of all the genetic blessings i may or may not have received from my mother and father, good teeth were simply not on the list. they are weak. always have been. they chip easily. they crack easily. all the things the dentist always tells you will keep them healthy simply do not work for me. by the time i […]
two thirty
a really stupid joke i once heard goes: “what time is it when you have to go to the dentist?” (two thirty) i have a tooth that is really bothering me. but what is bothering me even more is that i have neither funds nor insurance to even think about a dental visit. and won’t until november (which is when insurance will kick in). but i don’t think this is going to wait that long. add to this that my general level of self-care (i.e., checkup, dental, etc.) over the last eight years is best classified as ‘none’. never had […]
thinking about Dagan
once upon a time, i met a very unhappy fellow named Dagan. to cover his unhappiness, he had created a rather elaborate mythology for himself; steeped himself in esoterica and mysticism. he lived in a world where everything was an omen, a symbol, a sign. and he was obsessed with ‘mattering’ and ‘making a difference’, but in that odd way of talking about and planning and never quite managing to do. he was going through some pretty harsh times. he used to talk to me about it all and i gave what sympathy and understanding i could. admittedly, it wasn’t […]