yeshes.online

it is an especial stupidity how attuned and affected (afflicted?) i am by the phases of the moon. i’ve long ago given up on trying to pretend it is anything else. too damned consistent. this, nearing half moon, is weighing on me like bricks. mid-month phasing tends to be morose, sap shit. pensiveness, loneliness, and emotional crap rising to the top to be sloughed off or just experienced and re-sunk until next month. in this moment, i’m missing my lost friend. and i’m feeling angry and hurt. and i’m wishing it were different. and, of course, on top of it […]

i often say that intention is the root of meaning, and the hardest part about being human (or buddhist, for that matter) is to remember to step back and grant the benefit of the doubt. my ex-landlord is not the brightest of bulbs. in truth, he’s very much like the ‘absent-minded professor’. but it is becoming hard to grant him the benefit of the doubt on things. particularly when even the simplest of transactions seems to be damn near impossible for him to manage. the check for the deposit still having not arrived and it being a week, he agreed […]

i am in seattle. i live here. seattle is my home. damn, you have no idea how good it feels to say that. video on the click through, so feel free. i will post more later. for now, unpacking and settling in. hugs to you all. (smile)

i am sitting at the desk of a ‘free internet’ station here at the motel 6, rockford, illinois, just a stone’s throw from then wisconsin border. thespacebar does not like to work. will fix this later. so much to say. no time. got to get back on the road. notesforlater: chicago. corn. thebreak down. cats. sinus stuff. jim. remember patriot and e and e in roselle. thatshould doitfor now. tired, but haveslept, adventures a plenty, whoo boy. about 1800 miles togo. morelater. phil – spoke to dave. thought i would go see when when i was going through indiana. they […]

well, at roughly 3pm eastern standard time, i’ll be breaking the imac down and loading the truck and hitting the road. i have no idea if the deposit check will be in today’s mail or not, but if it isn’t it makes no sense to continue waiting, particularly as everything else hinges on my not being here beyond today (rent due tomorrow, prorations, etc.). so i’m hoping the damn thing shows up today, yes, but mostly i’m just looking forward to being on the road and having things in motion. i think i can make chicago by tonight, and the […]

he swore up and down he would never abandon me. that was, of course, how i knew he would. you never deny something that doesn’t already have a hook in you somewhere. it just never occurs to do so. i never told him that i had a rule about married men. that they were, in every instance, sexless to me. i made them so. in my mind, they were carefully neutered and as “male” as a ken doll. it kept them safe. hell, it kept me safe. and when they would start up with the ‘my wife doesn’t understand me’ […]

i’m packed and ready to roll to seattle. heading out either friday morning or saturday, depending upon a small detail yet straggling and fluttering in the wind. this trip west is the culmination of close to ten years of wistful and wishful thinking. i fell in love with seattle during a series of conferences there in 1998 and swore i would eventually make my way there and call it home. of course, every time it seemed i was close to managing it, something would come along and upset the apple cart. one time in particular, i was packed and ready […]

small video update. things are rolling merrily along, not as smoothly as i had hoped, but that’s hardly anything new. click through to view.

there is a phrase simple and clear it says much more than the words said when it’s spoken truly, with time all things known still, too late (Quote: That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying, “As you wish,” what he meant was, “I love you.”)

remember that old saying, ‘be careful what you wish for, you might just get it?’ well. it’s true. my recruiter called today and advised me that my contract is at an end. apparently, making a recommendation they did not like hearing was enough to decide them to just be done. the interesting part is, when they called the recruiter, all they did was sing my praises. but they also said they wanted someone there wbo was planning on staying. which i’m not. mind you, i fully expected it would end early, but i was rather hoping for it to go […]