i’ve been running on ground energy lately. that’s my way of saying i have no fucking idea where the energy is coming from, because i’m not really sleeping as i should be and it must be me just pulling the shit up through my feet out of the ground or something. i feel restless. not quite discontent (for all i’ll whine about being so here and there). it’s not quite Focus, but more like a cross between feeling really good/positive and feeling almost frightened (not quite) because things seem like they are improving and i naturally start cringing when they […]
on dharma and disgust
the following is a reply to someone recently cut out from this place. they wrote me asking ‘what happened’ and i pretty much told them. they wrote me back saying ‘they had no idea i felt that way’. i chuckled, no, of course they didn’t, how would they when they haven’t been in touch? sigh. it is pointless, really. but this response given to their statement that they began following here because i wrote so often and well about buddhism and practice and how that seems to have ‘trickled off to nothing’ lately. succinctly, i beg to differ. more verbosely…. […]
an angry day
for about oh, four hours today, this site was gone. it won’t make any sense to anyone, so i don’t know why i’m trying to explain. just what i do, i reckon.
pre-pillow talk
i said i wasn’t going to write about this. i confess, i’m not yet at a place where that is a declaration i can let stand. old habits, they say, die hard, and i am increasingly convinced that ancient ones may never die, but instead, follow you life to life. i am working on coming to grips with loneliness. i find i am only lonely when i am reminded i am alone. i’m not sure if that is common or not. perhaps it would be more accurate to say i am lonely only when i think about it, since saying […]
sunday funnies
my neighbor (the gay one) woke me about half an hour ago. apparenlty, she knocked on my door. but i did not consciously hear that. i was sleeping. what i ‘woke up to’ was the sound of her talking to my cats through the windows by the front door. then, of course, i had to try and figure out… was she just being social with the cats, or had she, in fact, knocked and that was what woke me? so i dragged myself to the door and opened it and asked her, ‘did you knock?’ and she said that yes, […]