(Note: There is additional content in the audio that is NOT in the below as when reading, other thoughts occurred and where thus included, prefaced with ‘editorial addendum’ and an end cap of some few minutes on acknowledging privilege and an intention of keeping those voiceless many included as I can.) I’m watching other humans talking about their journey to autistic diagnosis and/or individual acceptance of autistic identity, but when I attempt to do the same, I find I’m stuck in a rut of needing to actively refactor my herstory and much of that work requires a mind space that […]
Thoughts on ‘handing out hits for free’, errata
In 2010, I submitted several ideas to my employer, a TCCG and Analog Pen and Paper Roleplay company: They laughed me out of the meeting and laid me off later that year. In June of 2023, thirteen years after I and all my suggestions got laughed out of the company, they finally released the LoTR cross over set. It is the #1 selling set of all time as I write this. To date, they have yet to manage print on demand, but it remains most likely to save their PnP brand. They didn’t go all in on their MMO, which […]
Considering ICE and my estranged family
I worry for my daughter and my grand-daughters. Does she, I wonder, realize that she is directly in the cross-hairs of current ICE efforts, alongside her daughters? Her father is Afghani (posing as Indian due to some hush-hush diplomatic status in the 80’s) and she is a citizen thanks to our birthright citizenship, which is a legal status that extends through her to her daughters. Now that this government is using HHS (medical), IRS (tax), and SSA (work) records to track and identify their new definition of ‘illegal’, all three are at risk and I seriously doubt this is even […]
Thoughts on this moment – April 2025
The biggest crime this administration and its rooted eugenics, xenophobia, and insecurity (i.e., supremacist) have, are, and seemingly will continue to commit is an active and vehement conditioning of young AMABs on the matter of their ‘right’ to control, dominate, and possess (context: effective ownership) AFAB humans. While significant elements of this process include the explicit and public same against any/all minority, culturally different, Neurodivergent, Disabled, and/or Religiously different humans, the goal is to maintain the historical position of authoritarian power as both a (mythical) ‘race’ called ‘white’ and an equally mythical ‘natural’ or ‘biological’ supremacy as ‘The Binary Progenitor’ […]
Half past noon, from distance
half past noon, sixteenth the light of my life came forth yet I am shadowed struggle over years gone unrecognized only the mistakes made into these bricks a wall between two beings such selfish mortar does not life hurt all no being without such pain you think you’re alone hands once reached through brick slapped away incessantly old dogs learn new tricks distant uncaring be careful what you wish for all life has limits lessons returning time and the years will teach you all you now avoid time comes for us all I cannot be immortal so I tell you […]
The working list – ‘family’
I want to be part of your life. I want to be part of my grand-daughter’s life. I want to have regular contact and communication with each of you. I want to be considered, included, and important in your lives. I want to be cared for the same as any other family member. I want to be allowed to care for and be around each of you. I feel unloved and unwanted. I feel as if you do not want me to be part of your life. I feel as if you only want me around when I can receive […]
Meaningful Experiences
My life is cluttered with meaningful experiences that profoundly changed me and shaped my life. In the midst of anger, grief, and the daily struggle of mobility, I am rewriting my own memories practically in real time as I reclaim, reframe, and rejoin my life, very much already in progress. The threads being unraveled and then, immediately rolled in again with updated context and considerable resulting nuance. I’m doing it alone as I cannot seem to find an ND affirming and trauma informed PsyD offering adult telehealth/psypact therapy. I’ve tried the gamut of LSW, MFT, and Psychologists of many preferences […]
And then, the writer’s block seemed to vanish.
The content that caused this deluge may be viewed here, but the reader should not presume the connections and thoughts will be immediately traceable. This is an intentional oversight for purposes of general respect of others privacy. My prediction for neural net autonomous, truly artificial intelligence made a leap forward toward reality recently, courtesy of a company called IntuiCell. My assertion over some decades, fed by an interest in computing and neural networks, an avid consumption of hard sci-fi, and my own career in analysis and product ownership is as follows: True artificial intelligence will arise not from programmatic systems […]
Paradoxes – Haiku & Tanka
great thunder as i spoke my truth just a perspective rumbling low cloud ground resonating what is a tock of the wheel a march to the kalpa edge a man coughs outside my door
Track Title: Promises (Recall)
ASCAP Registration #: 929487026 This is an angry song. If you are someone who might have reason to feel hurt by anger you should choose something else. Maybe the early stuff. Very early stuff. For the rest of you, demo followed by lyric, below. Life is a two-way street, they say Whether we drive or walk our way Give and take come what may Keeps relationships free from fray Eroded and gone I find my trust Ignored and shut out, its ashes and dust It should be no surprise, I do now what I must Insist to set me aside, […]