great thunder as i spoke my truth just a perspective rumbling low cloud ground resonating what is a tock of the wheel a march to the kalpa edge a man coughs outside my door
Track Title: Promises (Recall)
ASCAP Registration #: 929487026 This is an angry song. If you are someone who might have reason to feel hurt by anger you should choose something else. Maybe the early stuff. Very early stuff. For the rest of you, demo followed by lyric, below. Life is a two-way street, they say Whether we drive or walk our way Give and take come what may Keeps relationships free from fray Eroded and gone I find my trust Ignored and shut out, its ashes and dust It should be no surprise, I do now what I must Insist to set me aside, […]
Track Title: Receipts
ASCAP Registration #: 929482704 Yes, now we see you’re vindictive Yes, now we see you’re contradictor Yes, now we see you’re restrictive Yes, now you see I’m predictor Punishing your own child just to get to me Happy Birthday, Unicorn Girl, My love will always be I tried to send you email, your mom has cut the cord Poisoned every well and every plowshare turned to sword Just like her half-brother, at the end of the day Stuck on buried resentment and rage because I sent her away Still doesn’t get it that it was always better for her that […]
My thoughts on “Fight Oligarchy” tour stop: Vegas (1st Half Reaction Audio)
I am ignorant too, just like any other human. I mis-named this woman and I should have looked it up before getting started, but the thought was overflowing and I made a call and this is the result. I will do better. My apologies to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Congresswoman for the Bronx and Queens.
Title track: Fake (Family)
ASCAP Registration #: 928388433 Mom’s gone, her legacy in vainFoster child, left out in the rainNotice read, no mention of my nameErased from history, a shame to claim She called me daughter, but now I’m just a lineIn a list of names, without a signLeft out of mourning, as if I’m a crimeThe foster child’s pain, in a rhyme that’s mine She called me “daughter” with prideWas no coattail for me to just rideSo now it is recanted?I’ll take it in my strideNever had family but they so backslide Now they’ve set it truly into ink:“…foster children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren”No […]
Familial Non Grata
I keep seeing videos of kids getting holiday presents that are letters from their foster families telling them they want to adopt them and make them part of their family. It reminds me of the houseparents from the children’s home I was in from age 5 to 11; they gave me a letter in 2008 of this nature over a holiday dinner at their house. I was so happy and was ready to agree as soon as I finished reading it. But they told me they wanted to wait until they figured out how to do this without compromising their […]
Turning the row (aeration)
It feels as if I will struggle with letting go of my daughter and grand-daughters for the rest of my life. I cut contact because I was tired of having my needs invalidated and of being cut out and left out of their lives. Of being told I couldn’t have access or enjoy my grand-daughters because my daughter thinks I am ‘unsafe’. Of being told that I will never be allowed closeness and care in action rather than only words. Of being told I was abusive and neglectful (I wasn’t – this is attribution error and deliberate mis-attribution / misfeasance). […]
Track title: Little Star
You are my sunshineEach and every single dayWho abandons the sunshineI never wanted to go away You are my moon riseThrough every lonely nightI dreamt how in reunion’s eyesWe’d make everything alright You are my Little StarA beacon day and nightNo matter where you areI’ve held you close inside I call you after the universeThat you represent to meEven though you disbelieveThough you refuse to ever see One cannot forget the universeOne can only call that a curseOne seeks not such a reverseWhy must life be so perverse Why is it so attractive for youTo think that I don’t careYou […]
Track title: Sun/Sung Through Wound
Memory of sunflowers and lidded mason jarsMemory of innocently walking from the carMemory of finding out my family was goneMemory of wondering just what I did so wrong Left on the doorstep like a holiday adoptionRight then, this life it’s just such a shit-stained concoctionSlept in a toybox to try and calm down all the frightAwoke in a toybox in the morning’s soft, pale light I was a kid and all I knew was my familySo hard to find out they never really wanted me Tried to bond to other kids, and to house parents, tooBullied and ostracized for differences, […]
Rubin Lilies & Resolutions
Someone today asked if I had children and, for the first time in my life, I could legitimately say, “No.” I have birthed two human beings. Miscarried two more. The end result, for me, turns out to be the same; none remain, albeit for different causes. The first, a son, prefers the lies of his adoptive parent to the truth of court records. So be it. The second, a daughter, prefers the false narrative of “innocence wounded without cause” to the truth of her poor choices bringing harsh consequences. So be it. Both would tell you I didn’t love them, […]