From the archives: Why You Will Marry The Wrong Person – Alain de Botton

I will preface this by saying that, in my oh-so-humble opinion, you can put any word of relation in place of the word [love] in this item.

It is nice to feel confident in that opinion, and pretty much all the soft and hard sciences support it, so I can even say (and savor) that I feel confirmed and validated.

I know this is why my entire experience of family, fellowship, and friendship in this life is currently constrained to three people.

I will not put a label on the sentiment that rises when I contemplate that, of the 7+ billion (Or is it 8 now?) human beings on this planet, there are only three people who stand inside my heart and are granted both microscope and keys to stroll the vaults of my lifetime of experiences.

Sadness, but not bitterness, exists for all the people I couldn’t manage to accept (or allow to accept, except, or incept with me).

Ambivalence is my road and the signposts are indicators of my own pits and valleys; steeped in the detritus of my familiarity, I navigate by negatives… trial and error, the diamond core of the Pure Seed… our experience is unique only to ourselves, just as are the experiences of others.

Explication is medicine and cure. Understanding is developed… it cannot be granted, gifted, or dispensed; it certainly cannot be osmotic.

No one understands that all I am ever trying to do is help, relieve, and succor. That is my shortcoming, by the way. Always. Just as it is yours when it happens to yourself.

Correction: Three people other than myself find me good enough at any of it to permit me to stand within their heart… they understand in enough ways that we communicate with harmony. Where they do not, we learn from one another. It’s beautiful, really…. pure life.

I have released my presence, energy, and effort from anyone who cannot permit me the same access and trust as they are requesting of me.

I compromise my own ideals rather than condemn others for being as human as I am. The paradoxical herald grins and says, “No regrets… well would you look at that? Not impossible after all.”

So, enjoy this very subtle, succinct soliloquy rendered to video that covers “why you will marry the wrong person”: