Halos and horns, we humans. Always trying to pretend we’ve one and not the other. Always so sure if we just manage to saw off the horns, hide the tail, we’ll somehow, magically become perfect, the best, incapable of doing other than the right things. All the honor and love given to the halo of us, unrealized potential, shining hopes, utopian dreams. While the baser, darker things are shoved into corners, hidden under rugs, pushed into closets, or buried under the weight of denial. Have you ever tried not to think of something once you’ve thought of it? White Rabbit. […]
on huna (or not-huna, as the case may be)
I find the following very interesting because there is some controversy over its origin, the culture it seems to want to emulate, and the fact that the teachings it espouses are not so much hawaiian as they are a combination of hinduism/buddhism/shaktism/janism. very intriguing because without the superfluous attempt to make it a ‘hawaiian’ thing, it’s actually pretty deep and, in my personal experience, very, very potent as a system of operation. according to its practitioners, it’s a hawaiian system. according to history, it is a 1930’s invention that co-opts hawaiian terms (and most of them, incorrectly) to define its […]
being and becoming (alternate life)
i dream of alternate lives. have for as long as i can remember. i often wonder if those dreams are the real life or if this one is. i cannot say i always know. things are different, even as they are the same. me and the ‘generic’ you… in all our amazing possibility… sometimes, you and i are married. sometimes, we have only just met. sometimes, we never meet, not in a grocery, not at the library, not on a street corner, not at all. or, if we do, it’s strangers passing one another without awareness. for all i know […]
cotton-headed thoughts
i am sleepy. as is usually the case when so, thoughts leap and flit about like fish in a lake. i think often of those i have loved who are no longer in my life. men, mostly, but not always. many types of love, for all that it seems most people, when hearing the word, cannot bring themselves to look past ruddy eros. i always have…. though it seems most often only to court disappointment, disillusionment, and despair. this said, i am not any of those in this moment. i’m drowsily contemplative. so instead of mourning or moroseness, simply a […]
advice to a stranger
wowsah, i don’t know where all this came from except that i read something posted by another about trying to decide on ‘taking a risk’ and it just…. flooded up and demanded to be written. bringing it here to serve as it may… here and now… or on some far flung day.
about hope
this, given in reply to another, set here for myself, and any other who may read. very likely the most spontaneous thing i’ve ever written, i wept as i wrote it, i weep now, and i’m smiling at the same time. crazy? maybe. i choose to think it’s important. for many reasons. reasons i will not ruin it by trying to explain. for once. cyncism is nothing more than bruised idealism, the deeper the bruise, the more cynical the result. but underneath it all, we still hope. it is the singular irony of life that we work so hard to […]
difficulties on the path (4 of 4)
well… homestretch. i find this oddly exhilarating. kind of scary. but also kind of a relief. and i’m actually a little surprised i’ve stuck with it. kindly. kindly. but no less insistent. i’d give myself a cookie, but there are none here. ok. enough of that. onward.
difficulties on the path (3 of 4)
it is after midnight, and i am torn between continuing or sleeping and letting this percolate until the morning. part of me feels somewhat compelled to complete it now. but i chuckle… for this is likely the best sign that i should be exceedingly mindful, and wait… and take it up on the morrow. so… i relent. 12:15am and to bed with me. what is written beyond this will be so in the morning. i’ll adjust the time stamp as needed.
difficulties on the path (2 of 4)
continuing from the previous, the next four of the twenty difficulties and my own admissions and thoughts… lessons for learning… i hope.