My children and I are estranged and have been for some time. My son, now age 43, since he was 11 and very unlikely to ever be resolved/reconciled. I allowed his step-mother to adopt him in 1993 as it was the only way I knew they would stop manipulating him and stressing him over his visitations with me. My daughter, now age 36, was more on and off again until roughly 2023, when it became clear that she only wants to be involved with me by phone or email, and being more than willing to insisting upon saying harmful, hurtful, […]
Old Stream Intro/Themesong
Earlier this year, I started a new stream only to discover that the weekly stay wifi couldn’t handle it. Spent a day making this intro for it, but now it’s just another marker in the field. Archiving here for “posterity” and the occasional social media reference (I have many skills, sure wish someone would hire me for any of them).
The Toxic Legacy of “Lazy”: Unpacking the Eugenicist Roots of Productivity Pressure & Oppression
In today’s fast-paced society, the word “lazy” has become a ubiquitous term used to describe individuals who fail to meet societal expectations of productivity and efficiency. However, this seemingly innocuous label conceals a complex web of eugenicist attitudes and oppressive behaviors that have far-reaching consequences for human value and well-being. This essay will argue that the concept of “laziness” is deeply rooted in eugenicist ideologies and serves as a tool for oppression, disproportionately affecting individuals with disabilities and neurodivergence. The term “lazy” has its roots in 19th-century eugenics, a pseudo-scientific movement that sought to improve human society through selective breeding […]
I was a bad mother, and that’s ok.
From the perspective of my children, I was an aloof, emotionally unavailable mother… I was a bad mother. I get how and why this is how they believe, feel, and think; when you’re a kid, all you know is what you need and do not receive. Things like histories, circumstances, and the realities of an adult being their own person just don’t enter the frame. Often, even after growing up, they never do. I know this because it’s how I felt, too. My parents were horribly abusive, deeply broken humans. They were fractured in youth by their parents, who likely […]
Vent: Ablest, ageist, allistic, discriminatory companies need not respond, ever.
I do not know how much longer I can do ‘this’; constantly striving and trying, with lack of any progress in outcomes. I have sought work since 2017 but this industry (technology) will no longer hire me. Whether it’s due to my age, my gender, my lack of a degree, it’s all so specious; with over 30 years of experience in-hand with companies whose names are well known, there’s no reason for this incessant exclusion and rejection from consideration. I could be doing amazing things, and I’m not because humans are so biased and perfection-seeking. It makes me angry. And […]
Lost & Found: My Journey Through Chaos and Discovery of Myself (#Neurodivergent)
It’s been a few years since I was on LinkedIn. It’s been a few years since I felt alive. For some time, I felt like I’d vanished from all knowing. No one knew where I was or what I was going through. It was as if I’d become invisible. And in many ways, I had. My identity, my sense of self, was fragmented and lost amid the chaos. You see, 2017 hit me like a sledgehammer; Allostatic (over)load and an ACE of 10/10 finally caught up with me and I just… crashed. That sentence does not do the horror show […]
Megalopolis – A Review
The primary theme of this movie appears to be a commentary on the nature of progress, development, and the consequences of unchecked ambition. The script explores the tension between innovation and tradition, highlighting the dangers of prioritizing individual vision over collective well-being. The film’s intention seems to be a critique of unchecked capitalism, corporate interests, and the exploitation of natural resources for personal gain. The narrative critiques the notion that progress is solely defined by technological advancements and economic growth, suggesting that true progress lies in balancing individual ambition with social responsibility and environmental sustainability. The movie takes place in […]
Someday, we’ll be represented, not just discussed
I continue to be astonished by the ways allistic humans and ableism in culture and society snarl the traces on the discourse about neurodivergent humans. The matter has now become neatly polarized as media and science seem unable to realize that yes, any spectrum disorder and all neurodivergent emergence/expression in humanity is and will continue to be on a spectrum. Trying to ‘draw a line’ between formerly labeled ‘low’ or ‘high’ function is to entirely miss the point. Of course we must provide workable supports and resources for the entire spectrum. Why wouldn’t we? Making parents and autistic adults fight […]
Why Pax Dei is losing me (an analysis)
In response to this item, posted both on their discord and their steam page (link: https://steamcommunity.com/app/1995520/), I decided to just let the algorithms that specialize in this kind of thing do their job. Here’s what it had to say, and I find it largely reflects my feeling/thinking coming out of the read. So, for what it’s worth, it’s pretty safe to say that this offering is most likely going to go the same path of so many others that thought they would make a cat drink coke when the cat has clearly indicated it likes milk and water. This is […]
Dichotomies: Expurgation vs. Sensitivity (Readers)
How and Why Sensitivity Reading Is Not Expurgation First, let’s define our terms: Expurgation is a form of censorship that involves purging anything deemed noxious or offensive from an artistic work or other type of writing or media. Sensitivity Reading is a form of editorial guidance to assure/ensure cultural presentation is accurate, and societal subgroups are depicted in ways that they agree accurately represent them. I suspect the word war is already at least partial understood based on those two definitions, alone. I can also tell you that I stan and ride with #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs. That said, my thoughts… People who […]