The annoyance of recent withdrawal finally passes on the crest of the next wave. Hah! Perspective is such a mutable thing, for all we treat it as if solid. Here I sit, panting with relief, and suddenly the partly cloudy sky is, instead, partly sunny. Amusing and poignant; I am taking a moment to be kind to myself. A gentle pat, “There, there, see? Everything is perfectly fine.” (chuckle) Soon to the automobile shop for goodness knows how long. Hopefully, a repair to the silly shift lock that has annoyed me for several months. Tomorrow morning, tires. Tomorrow, college work […]

Oddly enough, it fits. How amusing is that?! Today is a day of quiet domesticity. Entendre. Ouch. Fucker. Just pricked myself on an unexpected pin. Hrm. Wonder if three drops would net me the same result? Oh. Yes. Well. Sorry… forgot you where there I was. (cough) Never mind and er, carry on, won’t you? I am laughing softly for fiction and reality, how and where they play one another, and why. I am laughing as well for the simple fact that no one can tell (not even me). I am also laughing because most times, people play games to […]

“I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.” — Audre Lorde I realize that I am woefully behind on reading meaningful things. I intend to address it; see it made right. Likely I will use the time I have been trying to spend on the rapidly deflating notion of “being social”, particularly as I am finding that it, like so much of life, is an illusory excuse for making a lot of noise without really […]

Today has been unremarkable. I lost a chunk of work thanks to an immature tool which serves as the only repository for the information I generate. I’d ask for a rollback, only it would roll everyone back because hey, we don’t segregate like that. Besides, I’d just lose it again the next time I try the same action. So, instead, I’ll spend tomorrow morning recreating it. Meh. At least tomorrow is a half day. Not much else to report. I’ve got to haul the car in for maintenance tomorrow and it’s likely to be costly. Also, tires. The rest of […]

Yes, I was right. Yes, I am. Yes, I do. Yes, me, too.

Honestly, sometimes it is just downright humorous how some menfolk act. I have (reluctantly) had to close off a friendship with someone who just could not seem to understand that friendship is an active participation, not some odd “when I need you, you be there, but until then… you’re on your own, kid” kind of thing. When I expressed this and made it clear that I no longer wished to hear from him, can you guess the reaction? If you guessed “automatically assume I mean romance”, you got it in one. Projection, much? (wry grin) Not that it makes any […]

It is highly unusual that I actively look forward in life. More so that I look forward to a particular thing/event. Today, I am looking forward to tomorrow for two of them. Heh. Mind you, the rain (which slipped in during the night and actually woke me for the mighty barometric flux just before beginning) is kicking my hiney today. Ache. Throb. Stiffness. I am going to be late for work thanks to it…. it’s annoying to know such a thing, but then, it’s annoying to suddenly find yourself made into a turtle for reasons that simply won’t be shaken […]

Ya know, it’s interesting how, every now and then, I completely forget all the things I know and let myself get all knotted up and stressed out over “something”. When I finally realize what I’ve done, I always feel a bit sheepish; you know, that whole “Again? Really?!?!” reaction. Human still, I reckon. Today has been the day of general release and regulation; a return to the norm (for me) and a dispatch of stress and strain. I find I am remarkably relaxed (though not fully just yet) and generally calm with increasing movement toward contentment and peacefulness. In truth, […]

Now that the spate of frustration and anger have come and gone, I feel mostly relieved. Resolution, an immutable period at the end of the sentence, an ending, albeit temporary when one looks at it with the long view. There is a part of me that is chuckling already for the utter lack of attachment. Hurray! I manage it. Shifting smoothly from the Focus of the last almost two months; away from housewarming thoughts and toward how to carefully slice the little pie of funds. It’s all budgetary baboonery, of course. Two accounts, paid in full and tires for the […]

I am reminded of a piece I wrote not long ago, on being the fool you are…. most cannot read that word without negative connotation these days, but then, most never were that prone to manifold mentality. Heh. I don’t mean that (as you know); most are quite prone and certainly open to possibility for it, if you manage to snatch them from the mainstream and remind them what it feels like not to be inundated and overwhelmed. A fair and fascinating night, two rounds of REM for good measure, and more genuine contact than I have known in years. […]