that quirky little oxymoron is my mantra for the next while. i have let myself get caught up in looking backward in a way i do not usually permit. it is one thing to write and release something, another to write as the means by which to continue trying to cling to it. final thoughts on things i have released or am now releasing… it has been almost three years since i encountered heath. in this moment, i am quite thankful that i do not think of him except deliberately, like this, to celebrate the passage of time, of him, […]
creve coeur
i’ve been thinking about you most of the day. angry thoughts. you know the kind, the ones that knit long cerebral video of highly emotionally and vicious ‘get backs’ where the tables are, at long last, turned… and you get to hurt the way you’ve hurt me. i find it ironic that today brings bloodthirsty thoughts rather than romantic ones. sad, too, of course, but i try to find humor in life when i can, even if decidedly black. of course it occurs to me that i wouldn’t be hurting if i could just accept that you really are the […]
baba yaga and the lake
surface dwellers, all skimming indolently across the lake that laps before my home, the place that, like me, is reaching emptiness
reaching emptiness
i tally the last weeks of effort and find i am no further along than when i began in relation to building anything more than friendships and rarely that. martin was a funny, intelligent, enjoyable man. but he wanted all the trappings of commitment without having to make a commitment and that was the end of that. andy was a carefree, gentle man. our first date found me feeding him because he was out of work and penniless and our second date turned out the same and i just don’t have it in me to support someone and it is […]
writing and being alone
i haven’t written anything to speak of in a few months now. whenever this happens, i always wonder if this will be the break from which i never return to writing regularly. that probably sounds weird. meh, whatever. i have the feeling every time this happens that one of these times, i’m going to simply stop writing and that will be the end of it. i’m not really sure why it feels that way. i think part of me is hoping that i will become so immersed in life that i won’t feel the need to write about it anymore. […]
note to a new friend (dating)
archival. —– It’s been a bit of a while since I’ve felt the urge to write as I am used to doing. I have the sense that conversing with you is stirring things ‘back in La Brea’, the tarpits, where all things are shuttled or tossed for processing and assimilation; the ‘room in the back of the head’ so to speak. Generally, I shove all things (input, thoughts, stimuli in need of processing, ideas, etc.) there and let the physiology and psychology ‘do its thing’ with it all. The natural outcome bubbles up over time as writing, art work, contemplation, […]
found on a profile
this item, found on someone’s profile (a man looking for a woman) made my heart melt. figures he’s in DELAWARE. sigh. — Gorgeous Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing. They just have to wait for the right “MAN” […]
vertigo
a recent discovery and now, favorite lyric… you’re on a highwire and i’m climbing out and i feel the danger as i steal a kiss from your mouth and will try to hold steady make you believe that the height of the tightrope is just second nature to me but i will break all my bones ’cause i lied about the vertigo and i have never been up this high there’ll be no safety net when i fall right out of the sky there will be no ambulance waiting and i’ve no wings to fly so we’ll meet on the […]
rambly update and a bit of a rant
ok. first off, i’ve been foregoing deeply personal posting or details in some areas of late because some of you reading here i feel uncomfortable talking about such things in front of… but i cannot afford to edit myself in this place any longer. so. either you’ll accept the full spectrum or you’ll give me grief about it, at which point i will likely cut your access because this IS my place to do whatever i need to do to get it out of my head so i can live a sane life and your access here is more for […]
U.S. Democracy – Patch Notes
Found elsewhere and brought here because I enjoy good humor and this definitely fits. Wish the piece had attribution. If you know who created this, please let me know. I believe in giving credit where due. — US Democracy Server: Patch Day Version 44.0 President * Leadership: Will now scale properly to national crises. Intelligence was not being properly applied. * A bug has been fixed that allowed the President to ignore the effects of debuffs applied by the Legislative classes. * Drain Treasury: There appears to be a bug that allowed loot to be transferred from the treasury to […]