a good number of folk hold that dreams are the means by which the brain ‘deals with’ the events of the day. i believe differently and last night’s dreaming certainly could be either. i was going to write much more. but what point? the crossroads is its own best explanation. i am mad. not annoyed. mad. not the kind that makes me cuss, the kind that makes me cold. catching a lie in my hand is like flipping a light switch in my head. lies are the coin of users and abusers. i am not the one to be used […]

no, i’m sorry, i don’t think it was such a good idea to indulge you. or me. no, i’m sorry, i didn’t expect to always be on the sidelines. no, i’m sorry, i don’t take it well when people are too busy to be bothered with me. no, i don’t take it well when i am reminded just how marginal i am. no, i don’t take it well when i am, forever and ever amen, the last priority. no, i don’t take it well when someone acts like it shouldn’t matter. no, i don’t take it well when someone pretends […]

cyclic, until now. i see the pattern. funny how it is that the only time i truly see it is right before i break it; shatter it, ruin it. there must be some meaning in that which bears thought. some day. skeins undone, loose threads, flapping in the breeze of intent, no more pretending there is good reason. all good reason fled long ago. in the face of secrecy and shame, in the occasional admission of guilt and blame, in the way that, when you aren’t thinking, words like threat, risk, and fear lay in the exchanges; unending worry and […]

in the twilight the still of night soft scrabbling at the portal nocturnally sneak in shadows clandestine no better (rare note: source = image of a lunar moth)

i napped. it was a mistake. i’ll be up late now. and, of course, i’ll be thinking. at the moment i am thinking about the look of love. you know the one; caught betimes in photographs, occasionally seen at distance. the way the eyes crinkle at their corner, the matching softest of smiles, the panes of brow and cheek laying in that way that cannot be defined, but is known when seen. i adore to see it in pictures. it makes me cry when i see it about me in the world. happy tears, but tears all the same. chemical […]

i’ve thought about it (duh) and i think the simple fact is, you do not need me anymore. what need you had was transient, like all things. it was a comfort, to feel needed, even as i told myself it was a thing doomed to pass swiftly. and so it did. for all the excuses, the passing remains as quietly overt as ever. no longer needed. the gap of loneliness or boredom or whatever it was that brought your presence has been filled and i am inexorably pushed to the outer edge. i understand it. hell, i foretold it. i […]

half moon funk. it’s coming. not quite here. typical monday, not much to report. the library has an abysmal fantasy selection. bleh. turned in my books and wanted to pick out more, but couldn’t find anything i’d not either already read or passed over for lack of interest. they claim to have a share program that’s global. reckon i’ll check that out later. been feeling kind of inbetween lately. you know the lull that comes when things settle? kind of a catch your breath kind of thing only i’m not out of breath. nothing really catches my mind lately. not […]

i’m sitting here thinking about how to show love. it’s a light word these days, love. gets lobbed all over the place. tossed about like salt at a hypertensive table. too much salt ruins the meal… or more aptly, a word, said too often, loses its weight. actions always speak louder, but they are often rarer. the term coined for it ‘back in the day’ was ‘lipservice’ — to say a thing rather than to do it. how do you best show love? i’ve always thought it is best shown by doing things that demonstrate you are thinking about someone’s […]

i challenged a friend of mine recently to turn up the quality on their photographic excursions. tonight, i see they have several new shots up, one of which definitely qualified as ‘improvement’…. well, with a bit of post-processing. i think back to all the baby pictures i’ve seen in my life; both of my own children and of others. there are many ‘in-betweeners’… you know the ones, where the shutter clicked just before or after something amazing happened. heh. the ones i tend to like the most are of families napping together or in some manner of relaxed position. i […]