(Note: There is additional content in the audio that is NOT in the below as when reading, other thoughts occurred and where thus included, prefaced with ‘editorial addendum’ and an end cap of some few minutes on acknowledging privilege and an intention of keeping those voiceless many included as I can.) I’m watching other humans talking about their journey to autistic diagnosis and/or individual acceptance of autistic identity, but when I attempt to do the same, I find I’m stuck in a rut of needing to actively refactor my herstory and much of that work requires a mind space that […]
Thoughts on ‘handing out hits for free’, errata
In 2010, I submitted several ideas to my employer, a TCCG and Analog Pen and Paper Roleplay company: They laughed me out of the meeting and laid me off later that year. In June of 2023, thirteen years after I and all my suggestions got laughed out of the company, they finally released the LoTR cross over set. It is the #1 selling set of all time as I write this. To date, they have yet to manage print on demand, but it remains most likely to save their PnP brand. They didn’t go all in on their MMO, which […]
Considering ICE and my estranged family
I worry for my daughter and my grand-daughters. Does she, I wonder, realize that she is directly in the cross-hairs of current ICE efforts, alongside her daughters? Her father is Afghani (posing as Indian due to some hush-hush diplomatic status in the 80’s) and she is a citizen thanks to our birthright citizenship, which is a legal status that extends through her to her daughters. Now that this government is using HHS (medical), IRS (tax), and SSA (work) records to track and identify their new definition of ‘illegal’, all three are at risk and I seriously doubt this is even […]
My last words on this (estrangement)
When I look back on our family’s journey, it feels like a series of events that spiraled out of control, leading to a permanent estrangement that is both heartbreaking and deeply painful. When my daughter was 12, I had to let her live with her father for two years while I consulted on the road in an attempt to stabilize our family during the economic hardships of 2000-2001. I promised to have a place for her within two years, which I accomplished. But she “didn’t like” where I was living and rejected me, returning to live with her father. Even […]
Dim lit this future
It’s getting harder to manage my many health conditions and their comorbidities. I cannot seem to find work, and our network is basically myself and my husband. We’ve both tried to improve both social and professional networks, but have not seen much success. I keep applying and they keep ghosting or auto-rejecting me. I lack the mobility to do other work or I would be doing that. I’ve tried marketing my writing along various paths and nothing comes of it. I no longer know what to do. If I could math well enough to get my degree, I’d try that, […]
The working list – ‘family’
I want to be part of your life. I want to be part of my grand-daughter’s life. I want to have regular contact and communication with each of you. I want to be considered, included, and important in your lives. I want to be cared for the same as any other family member. I want to be allowed to care for and be around each of you. I feel unloved and unwanted. I feel as if you do not want me to be part of your life. I feel as if you only want me around when I can receive […]
Meaningful Experiences
My life is cluttered with meaningful experiences that profoundly changed me and shaped my life. In the midst of anger, grief, and the daily struggle of mobility, I am rewriting my own memories practically in real time as I reclaim, reframe, and rejoin my life, very much already in progress. The threads being unraveled and then, immediately rolled in again with updated context and considerable resulting nuance. I’m doing it alone as I cannot seem to find an ND affirming and trauma informed PsyD offering adult telehealth/psypact therapy. I’ve tried the gamut of LSW, MFT, and Psychologists of many preferences […]
And then, the writer’s block seemed to vanish.
The content that caused this deluge may be viewed here, but the reader should not presume the connections and thoughts will be immediately traceable. This is an intentional oversight for purposes of general respect of others privacy. My prediction for neural net autonomous, truly artificial intelligence made a leap forward toward reality recently, courtesy of a company called IntuiCell. My assertion over some decades, fed by an interest in computing and neural networks, an avid consumption of hard sci-fi, and my own career in analysis and product ownership is as follows: True artificial intelligence will arise not from programmatic systems […]
Paradoxes – Haiku & Tanka
great thunder as i spoke my truth just a perspective rumbling low cloud ground resonating what is a tock of the wheel a march to the kalpa edge a man coughs outside my door