When I look back on our family’s journey, it feels like a series of events that spiraled out of control, leading to a permanent estrangement that is both heartbreaking and deeply painful. When my daughter was 12, I had to let her live with her father for two years while I consulted on the road in an attempt to stabilize our family during the economic hardships of 2000-2001. I promised to have a place for her within two years, which I accomplished. But she “didn’t like” where I was living and rejected me, returning to live with her father. Even […]
Dim lit this future
It’s getting harder to manage my many health conditions and their comorbidities. I cannot seem to find work, and our network is basically myself and my husband. We’ve both tried to improve both social and professional networks, but have not seen much success. I keep applying and they keep ghosting or auto-rejecting me. I lack the mobility to do other work or I would be doing that. I’ve tried marketing my writing along various paths and nothing comes of it. I no longer know what to do. If I could math well enough to get my degree, I’d try that, […]
The working list – ‘family’
I want to be part of your life. I want to be part of my grand-daughter’s life. I want to have regular contact and communication with each of you. I want to be considered, included, and important in your lives. I want to be cared for the same as any other family member. I want to be allowed to care for and be around each of you. I feel unloved and unwanted. I feel as if you do not want me to be part of your life. I feel as if you only want me around when I can receive […]
Meaningful Experiences
My life is cluttered with meaningful experiences that profoundly changed me and shaped my life. In the midst of anger, grief, and the daily struggle of mobility, I am rewriting my own memories practically in real time as I reclaim, reframe, and rejoin my life, very much already in progress. The threads being unraveled and then, immediately rolled in again with updated context and considerable resulting nuance. I’m doing it alone as I cannot seem to find an ND affirming and trauma informed PsyD offering adult telehealth/psypact therapy. I’ve tried the gamut of LSW, MFT, and Psychologists of many preferences […]
And then, the writer’s block seemed to vanish.
The content that caused this deluge may be viewed here, but the reader should not presume the connections and thoughts will be immediately traceable. This is an intentional oversight for purposes of general respect of others privacy. My prediction for neural net autonomous, truly artificial intelligence made a leap forward toward reality recently, courtesy of a company called IntuiCell. My assertion over some decades, fed by an interest in computing and neural networks, an avid consumption of hard sci-fi, and my own career in analysis and product ownership is as follows: True artificial intelligence will arise not from programmatic systems […]
Paradoxes – Haiku & Tanka
great thunder as i spoke my truth just a perspective rumbling low cloud ground resonating what is a tock of the wheel a march to the kalpa edge a man coughs outside my door
Track Title: Promises (Recall)
ASCAP Registration #: 929487026 This is an angry song. If you are someone who might have reason to feel hurt by anger you should choose something else. Maybe the early stuff. Very early stuff. For the rest of you, demo followed by lyric, below. Life is a two-way street, they say Whether we drive or walk our way Give and take come what may Keeps relationships free from fray Eroded and gone I find my trust Ignored and shut out, its ashes and dust It should be no surprise, I do now what I must Insist to set me aside, […]
On Being An Outlier
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been an an outlier—not just in the neurotypical world but even within neurodivergent spaces where I thought I might find understanding. I’m a hyper-verbal, hyper-empathic, flat-affect individual whose mental capability has always measured “extremely high”. These traits don’t just make me unique; they often leave me on the edges of communities where I desperately want to belong. I’ve spent decades navigating this dynamic, and while I’ve built spaces of my own—a blog, ASCAP-registered lyrics, and posts on platforms like Bluesky and Discord—I still encounter the same painful patterns. Conversations go silent when […]
Archival: Community Advocacy, March 2025
Occasionally, when I feel I’ve presented my thinking especially well, I will archive the interaction here. Primarily because I believe in having my flowers when I think I deserve them, but also because it’s a convenient way to make my perspective clear. It doesn’t mean I cannot understand other perspectives, but it does mean this is the one I try to live by and with, which is helpful for others to understand. That said, the interaction as it occurred on the Discord channel, where I exist but as a single voice giving my own lived experience and thoughts to those […]
