ASCAP Registration #: 929482704 Yes, now we see you’re vindictive Yes, now we see you’re contradictor Yes, now we see you’re restrictive Yes, now you see I’m predictor Punishing your own child just to get to me Happy Birthday, Unicorn Girl, My love will always be I tried to send you email, your mom has cut the cord Poisoned every well and every plowshare turned to sword Just like her half-brother, at the end of the day Stuck on buried resentment and rage because I sent her away Still doesn’t get it that it was always better for her that […]
My thoughts on “Fight Oligarchy” tour stop: Vegas (1st Half Reaction Audio)
I am ignorant too, just like any other human. I mis-named this woman and I should have looked it up before getting started, but the thought was overflowing and I made a call and this is the result. I will do better. My apologies to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Congresswoman for the Bronx and Queens.
Title track: Fake (Family)
ASCAP Registration #: 928388433 Mom’s gone, her legacy in vainFoster child, left out in the rainNotice read, no mention of my nameErased from history, a shame to claim She called me daughter, but now I’m just a lineIn a list of names, without a signLeft out of mourning, as if I’m a crimeThe foster child’s pain, in a rhyme that’s mine She called me “daughter” with prideWas no coattail for me to just rideSo now it is recanted?I’ll take it in my strideNever had family but they so backslide Now they’ve set it truly into ink:“…foster children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren”No […]
Familial Non Grata
I keep seeing videos of kids getting holiday presents that are letters from their foster families telling them they want to adopt them and make them part of their family. It reminds me of the houseparents from the children’s home I was in from age 5 to 11; they gave me a letter in 2008 of this nature over a holiday dinner at their house. I was so happy and was ready to agree as soon as I finished reading it. But they told me they wanted to wait until they figured out how to do this without compromising their […]
Turning the row (aeration)
It feels as if I will struggle with letting go of my daughter and grand-daughters for the rest of my life. I cut contact because I was tired of having my needs invalidated and of being cut out and left out of their lives. Of being told I couldn’t have access or enjoy my grand-daughters because my daughter thinks I am ‘unsafe’. Of being told that I will never be allowed closeness and care in action rather than only words. Of being told I was abusive and neglectful (I wasn’t – this is attribution error and deliberate mis-attribution / misfeasance). […]
Track title: Little Star
You are my sunshineEach and every single dayWho abandons the sunshineI never wanted to go away You are my moon riseThrough every lonely nightI dreamt how in reunion’s eyesWe’d make everything alright You are my Little StarA beacon day and nightNo matter where you areI’ve held you close inside I call you after the universeThat you represent to meEven though you disbelieveThough you refuse to ever see One cannot forget the universeOne can only call that a curseOne seeks not such a reverseWhy must life be so perverse Why is it so attractive for youTo think that I don’t careYou […]
Track title: Sun/Sung Through Wound
Memory of sunflowers and lidded mason jarsMemory of innocently walking from the carMemory of finding out my family was goneMemory of wondering just what I did so wrong Left on the doorstep like a holiday adoptionRight then, this life it’s just such a shit-stained concoctionSlept in a toybox to try and calm down all the frightAwoke in a toybox in the morning’s soft, pale light I was a kid and all I knew was my familySo hard to find out they never really wanted me Tried to bond to other kids, and to house parents, tooBullied and ostracized for differences, […]
Rubin Lilies & Resolutions
Someone today asked if I had children and, for the first time in my life, I could legitimately say, “No.” I have birthed two human beings. Miscarried two more. The end result, for me, turns out to be the same; none remain, albeit for different causes. The first, a son, prefers the lies of his adoptive parent to the truth of court records. So be it. The second, a daughter, prefers the false narrative of “innocence wounded without cause” to the truth of her poor choices bringing harsh consequences. So be it. Both would tell you I didn’t love them, […]
Ready for Autumn
Now that the house is lost and the realities of my health are settling in, I find I’m actually glad to have the space in which to just… breathe. I’m so proud of J and how well he’s held up during everything that I don’t quite know how best to say it… I’ll just say it the way I said it to him, “You are my real life hero; the only person who is there for me exactly the same as I am for you.” It’s a really good feeling to have that in life. I spent quite some time […]
WILBDHMDHMNM
I love my mother. But I could not be around her because she was so hateful in her alcoholism. I love my father. But I could not be around him because he was so physically and emotionally abusive. I love my sister. But I do not have the strength to cope with her bi-polar challenges. I love my grandparents and great-grandparents. But they passed long before I was an adult. I love my son. But I gave him up because my ex-husband and his new wife were using him to try and hurt me, and recklessly hurting him in the […]