remember that wooden structure playground behind the cemetery where Leonard was, [wasn’t it Leonard?] well, i should tell you, someday, of the night when i stayed up all night long scrytching the blood from my eyes, only to take a walk in the pre-dawn cold to the playground, and find that it was no longer there; and find that as the sun rose, i smelt charr and ash, and heat and dust, and to realize that the playground had become hallowed ground in a way i would never [i knew] be able to explain to anyone. i was standing in […]
bamboo garden
as if it didn’t matter at all, laughing at the kitchen counter, severing sinew from bone, making dinner, sacrifice of living things to the hunger. i never knew him such a callous cannibal until i watched as he cheerfully cut that piece of meat, all that was left of what once was a wild and tender thing. i closed my eyes, ducked my head. bit back the scream and waited for the image to pass. i wandered like that for some time; blind and stumbling and happy to be so if it meant i would not again see such gleeful […]
about hope
this, given in reply to another, set here for myself, and any other who may read. very likely the most spontaneous thing i’ve ever written, i wept as i wrote it, i weep now, and i’m smiling at the same time. crazy? maybe. i choose to think it’s important. for many reasons. reasons i will not ruin it by trying to explain. for once. cyncism is nothing more than bruised idealism, the deeper the bruise, the more cynical the result. but underneath it all, we still hope. it is the singular irony of life that we work so hard to […]
difficulties on the path (4 of 4)
well… homestretch. i find this oddly exhilarating. kind of scary. but also kind of a relief. and i’m actually a little surprised i’ve stuck with it. kindly. kindly. but no less insistent. i’d give myself a cookie, but there are none here. ok. enough of that. onward.
difficulties on the path (3 of 4)
it is after midnight, and i am torn between continuing or sleeping and letting this percolate until the morning. part of me feels somewhat compelled to complete it now. but i chuckle… for this is likely the best sign that i should be exceedingly mindful, and wait… and take it up on the morrow. so… i relent. 12:15am and to bed with me. what is written beyond this will be so in the morning. i’ll adjust the time stamp as needed.
difficulties on the path (2 of 4)
continuing from the previous, the next four of the twenty difficulties and my own admissions and thoughts… lessons for learning… i hope.
difficulties on the path (1 of 4)
listening to the internet stream, Dallam’s ‘I-sense’. which begins with the statement, ‘something here has gone very wrong.’ chuckling, i agree. oh boy. do i ever.
a moment
“You must believe the lie, so you may find the way to make it true.” The above, a seminal comment dropped within a light-hearted comedy…. or something that seemed so at first. A movie, recommended to me by a friend; So much so that they bought and shipped me a copy. It was, I think, a meaningful thing on many levels, not the least of which was that I find this one comment in a moment in which it would be simply, beautifully beneficial and helpful to hear it. I cannot say I believe in some overarching order in the […]
Broken-Hearted Warrior
“It is only through letting our heart break that we discover something unexpected: The heart cannot actually break, it can only break open… To live with a broken-open heart is to experience life full strength… When the heart breaks open, it marks the beginning of a real love affair with this world. It is a broken-hearted love affair, rather than the conventional kind based on hope and expectation. Only in this fearless love that can respond to life’s pain as well as its beauty can we be of real help to ourselves or anyone else in this difficult age. The […]