At the end, it doesn’t matter where first cause is found, who is to blame, or even why it happened. It matters only that I love you, and I have tried to get close enough to demonstrate that love for nearly two decades, without much success. It is maddening that you insist I have not tried when I can point to so many attempts, rejected and ignored. It is hurtful that you persist in false narrative when even a cursory review reveals that what is being claimed is impossible given the routines and circumstances of the time – all of […]
April Showers
In the end, it took realizing that not only did she not want me involved, it never so much as occurred to her that I would want to be involved. And, sadly, regardless my own view on things and how boggled I am that she could ever think I would not want to be, that must be it. I say ‘must be’ because the alternative is still too tender to more than nod at from a distance. She will be 30 this year. I love her and am so very proud of her… I accept that this is the reality […]
This Swampy River (a riff)
Is this Trump’s[1] effort to influence the return of manufacturing to the states?
GLOW S02E04 – Callback to truth
I finally gave in and watched this show; stars, I’m so glad I did.
By their powers combined…
When the election of 2016 was complete, I turned to my husband and said, “You watch; by the end of this guy’s tenure, we’ll either be a dictatorship or the next and newest third-world country.”
Self-sufficiency
Once upon a time, I was fully self-sufficient. I had to be, there was no one in the world who cared about me or what happened to and with me EXCEPT me, and I bloody well knew it. I didn’t realize until my mid-20’s that it could be any different. I didn’t realize until now that maybe it shouldn’t be. I’m re-learning; to be completely candid, I’m remembering it’s not wrong to maintain a healthy separation from those who cannot treat you honorably, inclusively, respectfully, and with care. I had forgotten how healing it is to simply tell someone that […]
The Analogous City – Hypertext meets Neocortex – The Pattern
Humans have spent all existence confining, defining, and refining concepts of relation between things. Any activity can be defined as a series of state changes whose only common denominators are energy / matter in a positive / negative / imponderable state. The level of refinement needed is inversely proportionate to the level of sustainability expected. The level of refinement needed is inversely proportionate to the level of scalability expected. The level of refinement needed is inversely proportionate to the level of commutativity expected. The level of refinement needed is inversely proportionate to the level of profitability expected. The above assertions are interrelated, often correlated; […]
From the archives: Why You Will Marry The Wrong Person – Alain de Botton
I will preface this by saying that, in my oh-so-humble opinion, you can put any word of relation in place of the word [love] in this item. It is nice to feel confident in that opinion, and pretty much all the soft and hard sciences support it, so I can even say (and savor) that I feel confirmed and validated. I know this is why my entire experience of family, fellowship, and friendship in this life is currently constrained to three people. I will not put a label on the sentiment that rises when I contemplate that, of the 7+ […]
WILBDHMDHMNM
I love my mother. But I could not be around her because she was so hateful in her alcoholism. I love my father. But I could not be around him because he was so physically and emotionally abusive. I love my sister. But I do not have the strength to cope with her bi-polar challenges. I love my grandparents and great-grandparents. But they passed long before I was an adult. I love my son. But I gave him up because my ex-husband and his new wife were using him to try and hurt me, and recklessly hurting him in the […]
